Akatsuki Apartment
by xotakux2002x
Summary: this is from my DA account. i have the same username on both sites, so don't think someone is plagerizing off me. it's really the same person. i'll give you guys the same summary i already used: there is randomness and yaoi! kisaita sasodei kakuhidan
1. prologue

Konan woke up at sunrise, due to the fact that Pein hadn't bothered to shut the blinds in their bedroom before going to bed the previous night. Needless to say, the room was flooded with sunlight, and of course it shined right in Konan's face.

The blue haired woman sat up and stretched, yawning. She got up and shut the blinds; no need to wake her grouchy boyfriend just yet.

She pulled on a blouse and skirt, before walking into the kitchen. She opened the fridge and pulled out the last of the leftovers; they'd need to get more pancake mix and ramen later today.

As she began reheating the leftovers, she heard a loud yawn and smiled. Pein must be getting up.

Sure enough, a man with messy auburn hair walked in, grumbling. "When the hell did they decide mornings had to start so god damn early?"

Konan grinned. "It sounds like Hidan's rubbing off on you."

"Speaking of which, where's the little psycho? He and Deidara are usually robbing the fridge by now."

She shook her head. "What would you do without me? Check out the calendar; today's the first day of school, genius."

"Well, that explains it." He sighed and shook his head. "Those poor teachers. Five bucks says the school isn't standing by the end of the day."

"You're on."

--

Sasori pulled up to Deidara's house and sat in his car, waiting. Approximately two minutes later, a perky blonde dashed out, grinning widely. "HI DANNA!" he yelled as he climbed into the car.

"You're late, brat."

Deidara began to pout. "Don't call me that, un."

"You better get used to it; everyone says you're gonna have to fill in for Tobi while he and Zetsu are gone."

"Oh yeah, they're not gonna be there today, are they, un?" Deidara smirked. "Peace at last, un!"

Sasori raised a brow. "I don't think there's gonna be much of that as long as you're in that outfit." He couldn't help looking the blonde up and down. Deidara was in a girl's uniform.

The sculptor smirked. "It's a pervert detector, un! We can find out what kind of teachers we got stuck with this year, un."

"Is that the only reason?"

Deidara smiled coyly. "Maybe I'm hoping you'll finally fall for me if I look like this, un."

"Down girl."

"HEY!"

"You implied it, not me."

--

"Gooooooooooooooood morning all! This is Bob and Tom in the morning, here to-" the radio announcer was abruptly cut off by Kisame slamming his fist down on the off button. The shark sighed happily as he rolled back over, hoping for sleep. "Get up, Kisame." Apparently his snoozing was done.

"Itachi, noooooooooo!" he whined, pulling the Uchiha close to him.

"I would be glad to let you sleep more, but I need to get up, and am currently trapped under you."

Kisame groaned and sat up, freeing his partner. Itachi stretched, then suddenly stopped moving. He leaned towards Kisame and sniffed. "Kisame, you need a bath."

"I hate showering in the morning."

"Too bad. You stink, and you're not leaving the house until you take a bath."

Kisame grinned. "That doesn't sound too bad."

Itachi rolled his eyes; he knew how much the shark disliked school. "Let me rephrase that. I refuse to have sex with anyone who stinks as much as you do. BATHE!"

"Only if you get in with me."

"………………Fine."

--

BEEP BEEP BEEP

Kakuzu groaned and shut off his alarm. Damn thing was annoying, but it had only cost him four bucks, so he wasn't complaining.

He got up and sighed, digging a uniform out of his closet. Great, he had to start at his new high school today. It really wouldn't have been so bad, if it weren't for the fact that this place had to have the ugliest uniforms (lime green and an off-white that reminded him of sour milk) in the entire city. Oh, and let's not forget that he didn't know a single person in the whole town, much less at this school.

He rolled his eyes. Still, he couldn't complain. After all the annoying relatives, lost friends, and sneaky counselors, this new town was a welcome change. He grabbed his backpack and, after making sure his checkbook was safely hidden away, walked out the door.

--

Konoha High School loomed over the students like a colossal beast, waiting to devour the incoming freshmen and any others who couldn't survive high school life. Sasori and Deidara were staring up at the building, smirking knowingly. "Danna, we're seniors now, un."

"Thanks for stating the obvious, blondie." They turned and saw Kisame and Itachi approach. "What's up?" the shark asked.

"Deidara's simply trying to get his mind to wrap around the concept that he's a senior," Sasori explained.

Deidara grinned widely. "We're gonna rule this school, un."

Itachi nodded. "Too bad Zetsu and Tobi aren't here to enjoy this moment."

"I wonder where they are right now…"

--Konoha International Airport--

"Flight 19-A leaving in twenty minutes."

"That's us, Zetsu!" Tobi called happily.

"I know that Tobi. **Damn brat.** Let's go. **And kill Tobi.** No, Tobi's a good boy." Zetsu looked over at his empty-handed friend. "Tobi, where's your bag?"

"What bag?"

Silence

"You mean your suitcase isn't here?!"

"Nope."

"**I told you to pack a bag!**"

"I did."

"I told you to put it by the doorway!"

"I did."

"**But you didn't grab it?!"**

"You didn't tell me to, Zetsu. And Tobi always does what he's told, because he's a good boy."

Both halves of Zetsu were struggling not to kill the boy. "Flight 19-A leaves in fifteen minutes." The schizophrenic man began thinking. "Tobi, I'm gonna get your bag. **Stall the flight**!" and with that he dashed out of the airport.

Tobi stood there for a moment, thinking. Suddenly, he thought of something he saw on TV. He took a deep breath and yelled, "OH MY GOD, A BOMB!!"

--

"Well, can't worry about them for long," Kisame said. He looked around. "Hey, where's our favorite zealot?"

"Right here, dumbasses!" Hidan walked up to the group, shirt half unbuttoned, his Jashinist rosary in plain sight. "Looks like everyone's here." He turned to the school and grinning. "Ready to give them hell?"

The group nodded and walked toward the building.


	2. part 1

Kakuzu rolled his eyes as he walked into the building. New town, new school, but the same kind of idiots who'd stare at him, muttering. For god's sake, his scars weren't that bad! He sighed. There was nothing he could do about it. With any luck, they'd get over his looks and forget about his existence.

The teen walked down the main hall and into the office area. He'd been told to report to the principal upon arrival.

He entered the office and saw a young looking blonde sitting at the desk, filing papers. She looked up as he walked in. "Hello, and you are…?"

Kakuzu introduced himself and the woman smiled. "Oh right, the transfer kid. Well, Kakuzu, I'm principal Tsunade. Pleasure to meet you. Now, here's your schedule, and-"

Suddenly the door was flung open; Hidan stood in the doorway, foot raised in the air, indicating he'd kicked it open. "Hello, Tsunade!" He called cheerfully, grinning like a fool.

Tsunade's smile disappeared. "Hidan, you couldn't have waited one day to get into trouble, could you?"

"Hell no." He walked over and brushed past Kakuzu, flinging a pink slip of paper at the principal. "Same thing as always, Tsunade."

"Inappropriate language. Lovely." The woman paused for a moment, thinking. Suddenly, she smiled. "Hidan, instead of detention this time around, you're to show the new kid around."

The silver haired boy's smile disappeared. "WHAT?!"

"You heard me. Let me see your schedule." Hidan reluctantly handed the slip of paper over to the principal. "Perfect, you two have the exact same schedule. That'll make things easier for everyone."

"But-"

"No buts. Now beat it." Hidan turned around, grumbling and motioning for Kakuzu to follow him. "Damn hag," he muttered as they walked out. Once they were back in the hallway, he turned and looked Kakuzu up and down. "So, you gotta name new kid?"

"Kakuzu. And she said you were Hidan, right?"

"Hell yeah. Let me see your schedule." Kakuzu handed over the paper, and the Jashinist looked it up and down. "Science, math, world civ,.…damn, we really do have the exact same schedule." He started walking down the hall. "Come on, science is this way."

Kakuzu followed the kid down the crowded hallway. The bell should have rung five minutes ago, but so many freshmen were lost that it was practically impossible to get around "Jashin dammit, move it fresh meat!" Hidan yelled, kicking a boy out of the way. After that, Hidan and Kakuzu were given a wide berth.

They walked into a classroom at the end of the hall. The poorly lit room was filled with noisy students, most of whom were sitting on top of their desks. Hidan walked towards the back of the room, and Kakuzu, not knowing anyone, decided to follow him.

"Hey Hidan," a tall boy with blue skin called out. "So, you're in here too?"

"Yup. Looks like it's gonna be you, me, and Itachi." Kakuzu looked over and saw a small male with raven colored hair and twin scars running down from each eye. Itachi turned and looked at Kakuzu. "Hidan, who is this?"

The Jashinist turned to Kakuzu. "I got in trouble, so the old hag made me give this guy a Jashin damned school tour. Can you believe we've got the same schedule?"

"That's a bit odd," Itachi admitted. The teacher walked in at that moment, bringing a stop to all conversation. "Alright people, take your seat. I'll be nice and let you guys pick seats this time."

"He's only doing that 'cause he knows we'll give him hell otherwise," Kisame whispered to Kakuzu, who sat in front of him. Itachi was sitting next to Kisame, and Hidan was in front of him, next to Kakuzu. "Mr. Hoshigaki, is there a problem?"

The shark grinned. "No sir. Just explaining to the new kid how things work around here." The teacher glared at Kisame but turned back to the board.

Kakuzu found the school to be as boring as he expected. Shallow preps, idiot teachers, the whole nine yards. Even the school food was as bland as he'd predicted it to be. He settled on grabbing an apple; it was cheap, and they probably couldn't ruin prepackaged fruit.

Kisame and Itachi had the same lunch period as he and Hidan, so he assumed they'd sit at the same table. He was surprised to see the trio walk towards the emergency exit. "Why are we going outside?" he muttered to Hidan.

"Because it sucks in here," was his only answer.

"And the alarm won't go off?"

Hidan grinned. "Nope. Deidara took care of that little problem freshmen year."

"Who's Deidara?"

"You'll find out in a second." The four had finally gotten outside and walked around the side of a building, heading in the direction of the grassy area tucked behind the school.

Kakuzu saw that they were heading towards a large oak tree, with two people already there. One of them was a red head who sat in the shade of the mighty oak, looking bored as he dug through his backpack. The other was a tall blonde in a girl's uniform, eagerly watching as the red head looked through the mess of his bag. "Deidara, Sasori!" Kisame called out, making both students look up. The red head went back to looking through his bag, while Deidara waved to them, smiling. "Hey, un!" When they finally reached the shade of the ancient oak, the blonde looked Kakuzu up and down. "Who're you, un?"

The banker raised a brow. "I'm Kakuzu. Kinda rude, aren't you?"

"Huh?" Deidara turned to the red head. "He means you're supposed to introduce yourself first," Sasori answered, indicating he was used to answering the blonde's questions.

"Oh yeah! I'm Deidara, un! And before you ask, no, I am not a girl!"

Kakuzu gave him a weird look. "So you're just a cross-dresser?" Hidan burst out laughing, and the others smirked. Deidara frowned. "Nope, it's just tradition, un! You see, freshmen year-"

"Here it is," Sasori called out, pulling out a lunch box. Deidara squealed in delight and lunged at the red head, glomping him. "Thank you danna, un!" He snatched the food and scurried up into the tree, reminding Kakuzu of the squirrels he saw in parks. He gave the group a weird look. "What did he do freshmen year, why did you give him food, and should I be concerned that he called you danna?"

"He gave him food because Deidara can't afford to buy lunch," Itachi answered, climbing up the tree after Deidara and sitting a branch beneath him.

"And I couldn't bring my lunch because the only thing in the fridge was beer, un," Deidara called down through a mouthful of food.

"Don't talk with your mouth full, brat."

"Yes danna."

"And as soon as we figure out why he calls Sasori 'danna', we'll let you know," Hidan continued, following his two friends up the tree. Sasori and Kisame stayed on the ground, sitting, so Kakuzu decided to eat here with them; there was more room on terra firma, and less chance of injury. "What about the girl's outfit thing?"

Kisame grinned. "Well, way back at the beginning of our freshmen year, the school thought Deidara was a girl, and gave him a girl's uniform. Of course, Deidara was furious. He started yelling at them, and he even made the secretary cry. Unfortunately, they didn't have any more guy's uniforms, so he was stuck in a skirt for the day." Kisame snickered. "Well, everything was fine until third period.

You see, this teacher kept staring at him, and everyone noticed. Well, Deidara got sick of it, so he," Kisame was laughing too hard to continue, so he motioned for Sasori to finish. "He walked up to the teacher's desk, hips swaying, and he leaned forward-"

"And I whispered, 'Like what you see, un?' and I leaned forward on his desk, un," Deidara finished, smiling.

"Didn't you get written up?" Kakuzu asked.

"Oh, that's the best part," Kisame whispered. "You see, the teacher had a major nosebleed and had to run out of the classroom. It was hilarious.

He came back about twenty minutes later, and told Deidara to right a paper about the importance of a strong student/teacher relationship." Kisame couldn't stop smiling. "He really could have picked a better choice of words."

"Because that night," Hidan continued, "he told Konan about the assignment. Well, Konan got an evil idea and wrote the paper, and-" Hidan was laughing too hard finish.

"The paper," Sasori went on, "was a three page smut story of Deidara and the teacher." Kakuzu's eyes practically bugged out of his head. "Needless to say, the teacher had another nosebleed and had to excuse himself for the rest of the class. He threatened to expel Deidara, but Deidara argued that…Deidara, what did you say?"

The blonde stood on the branch he had been sitting on and cleared his throat, plastering a fearful look on his face. "It's not me that you should get rid of, un! He's a pervert, and I'm scared that if I stay after class he'll rape me, un!" He smiled and bowed, sitting back down.

"And so," Kisame said, continuing where the red head had left off, "the teacher was fired, and no one messed with us after that, for fear we'd try something similar."

"And every year I wear a girl's uniform on the first day to see if we have any perverts for teachers, un," Deidara finished.

Kakuzu nodded. "Great, but who's Konan?"

"Oh yeah, you haven't met her or Pein yet," Hidan exclaimed. "They were seniors our freshmen year. Deidara and I met them in summer school the year before, and we became friends then. We ended up hanging out in high school, along with Zetsu and Tobi."

"Were they seniors too?" Kakuzu asked, noting that there were no other people present.

Hidan shook his head. "Nope. Same year as us. But Zetsu's schizophrenic; you know, two personalities, one body? Well, it got really bad last year, and his doctor told him to take some time off normal life; go on a trip, travel around the world. And of course, Tobi had to go with him. It's impossible to separate those two."

"I wonder how they're doing, un."

--somewhere in the Mediterranean Sea, off the coast of Italy--

"Zetsu, look! Seagulls!" Tobi was jumping up and down, leaning on the ship's railing and pointing towards the birds flying near the coast.

"Yes, Tobi, those are seagulls. **Dumbass.** Be good, Tobi's not bugging you. **Yes he is.** No he's not!"

"Zetsu, I want a seagull!" Tobi bent forward, half his torso dangling over the rail now.

"Tobi, stop leaning, or you'll-"

"WAAAAAAH, ZETSU!" Tobi screamed as he fell off the ship and plunged into the water.

"……………..**We should let him drown**. Don't tempt me. Man overboard!"

--

"Hey, what time is it?" Kakuzu asked, finally noticing how long they'd been out here.

Itachi glanced at his wristwatch. "1:30."

"That means we missed fifth period, right?" Kakuzu asked.

Hidan nodded. "Yup, but no worries; it was just P.E. The teacher knows we can beat the crap out of anyone in this place, so we'll get full credit whether we show up or not. Consider this an extended lunch period." Hidan turned to Sasori. "Hey, Sasori, what class do you and blondie have next period?"

"Language. Why?"

Hidan's eyes widened. "No way, we've got the same class!"

"All of us?" Kisame asked incredulously. "Damn, they're usually pretty good about splitting us up. Wonder what happened?"

"From what I understand, there was only one language teacher in the entire school that was willing to take us this year, and sixth period is the only non-remedial class he teaches," Itachi explained, standing up on his branch. Kisame looked at the Uchiha and rose to his feet, holding out his arms as Itachi jumped down. The weasel landed in the safety of the shark's arms, before looking back up into the tree. "Come on, let's go."

Deidara and Hidan climbed down quickly, following Kisame and Itachi. Sasori rose and followed them, with Kakuzu trailing behind them. The banker was beginning to think that all his new friends were crazy. _"This year should be more interesting than I thought…"_


	3. part 2

Kakuzu found sixth period to be highly entertaining. It wasn't because of the teacher, or the subject. It was simply watching what happened when you put Hidan, Deidara, Itachi, Kisame, and Sasori in the same room.

Everything started when the teacher walked into the room. Most of the students went straight to their seats when he entered the room, but Sasori and Deidara were too busy arguing about art to notice his entrance. "Miss, would you please take a seat?"

Deidara turned around, huffing angrily. "I'm a boy, un!"

The teacher turned red. "I-I'm sorry! You're just wearing a skirt, and-"

"Oh, so wearing a skirt automatically makes me a girl, un?! Why must people question my lifestyle choices, un?!" Deidara buried his head in his hands, and if Kakuzu hadn't seen the grin on the blonde's face he would have sworn Deidara was really crying.

The teacher looked uncomfortable. "Um, well-"

"And I suppose you think I look like a girl too?" Itachi called out.

"Well, yes, but-"

"But what?"

The teacher gave an exasperated sigh. "Look, I'm just used to girls looking like girls and guys looking like guys, ok?"

"OH, so you're against people like Deidara and me!" Itachi yelled angrily.

"I bet he has it in for blue-skinned kids too!" Kisame added.

"OH MY GOD!" the class turned at the sound of the girl's cry. She was staring in horror at Hidan's bleeding wrist.

The teacher paled. "Are you alright?!"

"I'm perfect!" Hidan called out, stabbing himself again.

"What are you doing?! Stop that!"

"My religion commands it!"

"Well I won't tolerate that kind of-"

"YOU HEAR THAT?! The damn bastard's intolerant of my religion!" Hidan cried.

"And girly guys!"

"And blue skinned kids!"

Meanwhile, Deidara and Sasori had resumed their art argument. "Brat, it's eternal!"

"It's brief, un!"

"It's eternal like this puppet!"

"It's brief like this bomb, un!"

"OH MY GOD, IS THAT REALLY A BOMB?!" the teacher screamed, paling even more.

Sasori grabbed the bomb and walked over to the window, tossing it outside. "I told you to stop bringing those to school, brat." He muttered as the bomb exploded in midair.

The teacher turned red. "Iwa, I never want to see a bomb in here again!"

"But it's my art, un!"

"Well your art is banned!"

"You're crushing my creative expression, un!" Deidara yelled, looking like he was about to cry.

"And I want you out of that skirt!"

"Danna, he's gonna rape me, un!" Deidara cried, lunging at Sasori. "PERVERT!" the red head shouted at the confused teacher.

"BIGOT!" Hidan added.

"CONFORMIST!"

BRING

The bell rang, and all the students ran out the room like their lives depended on it. "See you tomorrow, teach," Hidan called as he exited the room.

Kakuzu walked out of the school and began heading home. Until he felt a hand clamp down on his shoulder. He turned to see Hidan smirking up at him. "Hey, wanna hang out with us?"

Kakuzu shook his head. "Thanks, I'll pass."

Hidan frowned. "What, you already got plans?"

"No."

"Then why won't you come with us, dumbass?" Kakuzu didn't answer. "I'll give you ten seconds to come up with an excuse." Silence. "See? You're coming with us." Hidan began dragging Kakuzu behind him, and for some unknown reason, the banker didn't resist.

They met up with the other four and began walking opposite the direction of Kakuzu's house. Sasori and Deidara were still arguing about art, Kisame and Hidan were joking around, and Itachi watched it all with a bored expression on his face. Kakuzu was too busy memorizing the names on the streets signs to join in; he'd had to walk himself home after this, and there was no way in hell he was getting lost in the city after dark.

They kept walking for a few more blocks before turning and walking towards the river. They kept going until they hit a bridge. Kakuzu assumed they'd stop there, but to his amazement they began walking across. "Do you guys due this often?"

"Every day," Hidan replied. "That a problem?"

"No, but isn't there a slightly less dangerous route?" The bridge looked sturdy enough, but the walkway for pedestrians was only two feet wide with a cheap rail on the side to keep the teens from plunging fifty feet straight down into the water.

"This is the quickest way, un!" Deidara leaned over the rail, smiling. "I wanna try diving off of here sometime, like those cliff divers, un!"

"Brat, if the fall didn't kill you, the pollution in the water would," Sasori stated, pulling Deidara away from the side of the bridge.

"Could we at least try bungee jumping, danna?"

"No," Sasori flatly stated. Kakuzu shook his head. That kid was something else.

"Is this our stop?"

"Yup." Kakuzu looked over the brick building. It looked old, but appeared to be in pretty good shape. "Don't just stare, dumbass; let's go." Hidan once again began dragging Kakuzu along behind him.

They walked up two flights of steps, before walking down a grimy hallway and stopping at a door at the end of the hall. Apartment 10A was clearly written on the door. Hidan pounded on the door. "Open up!"

"Coming!" Kakuzu heard the sound of shuffling feet, and the soft click of the door being unlocked. A woman with blue hair stuck her head out. "Everyone here?" Hidan nodded. "Come in." The door opened and the teens quickly filed in, until only Hidan and Kakuzu were left in the hall. "You coming, dumbass?" the Jashinist asked.

"Um, sure…but where exactly am I?"

Hidan grinned. "Apartment 10A. A.k.a., Akatsuki headquarters."


	4. part 3

"Akatsuki headquarters." Kakuzu repeated.

Hidan nodded. "We're called the Akatsuki, and we hang out here. That makes this our headquarters, asshole." He stepped inside. "Hurry up." Kakuzu sighed and followed the silver haired teen inside.

The apartment wasn't much bigger than his own; it had a kitchen and a living room, separated by a five foot tall wall so you could look into the next room. There were two doors built into the right hand wall; the banker assumed they led to bedrooms. There was no dining room; only a table pressed against the mini-wall on the living room side.

The living room held two overstuffed chairs, a couch, and a few bean bags. Sasori and Deidara were flopped down onto the bean bags, arguing about (what else?) their art; Hidan was sprawled out on the couch, talking with an auburn-haired man with several facial piercings, and Kisame and Itachi were sitting in one of the chairs, talking. Kakuzu stood just outside the living room area, not really sure what to do.

His dilemma was solved when the man Hidan was speaking with rose to his feet and walked over to him. "Your name's Kakuzu?"

"Yes."

"Pleased to meet ya. I'm Pein, and she's Konan." He didn't have to motion to the blue haired woman; she was the only female in the entire room. "Now, why are you here?"

"Hidan met him and brought him, un!" Deidara called out cheerfully. "Can he stay, un?"

Konan rolled her eyes. "Deidara, he's not a puppy you found on the street. He's got a say in this too, you know."

"I don't get why he wouldn't though," Itachi put in. "He's been with us all day, and he came here. Obviously he doesn't hate us."

"Plus he's the new kid; it's not like he has any friends to object," Kisame added.

"Hey, um-" Kakuzu tried to talk.

"Really?" Konan looked thoughtful. "Well, if you put it that way-"

"Then there's no problem!" Hidan called out.

"Guys-"

"So he can stay?" Deidara asked hopefully.

"Sure."

"Sweet!" Hidan yelled, punching his fist in the air.

"Then it's settled."Pein turned to the confused banker, smirking. "Welcome to the Akatsuki."

"…Thanks?"

"You're welcome." Pein turned to the group. "Ok, who feels like takeout?"

"I thought that was out of our budget," Kisame stated.

"One, I haven't kept track of our budget in months (Kakuzu visibly flinched) and two; it's Konan's turn to cook."

Shouts in favor of pizza could be heard all the way down the hall.

--

Hidan walked into the room carrying four pizza boxes and a twelve pack of soda. He walked over to the table and roughly shoved the papers onto the floor, scattering them. "Watch it!" Pein shouted, diving for the papers too late.

"Chill, Pein. What the hell's the big deal?" he asked, popping open a drink.

"Those are my tax forms, you moron!" the leader growled, mumbling as he picked up the papers. Kakuzu picked up a paper and stared at it. "I don't get what the big deal is; you'd have to re-file these anyway."

"Why?" Konan asked.

"Well for one thing, you haven't included the deductions for your higher education, since I'm assuming you two are in college, and you didn't include any medical or dental expenses on this. Furthermore…" he looked up to see the others looking at him like he was speaking Yiddish. "What?"

Pein grinned. "All in favor of putting Kakuzu in charge of my taxes and the group budget?"

"AYE!"

"All opposed?"

Silence

"Then it's settled. Congratulations on your new job!"

Kakuzu had the distinct feeling he'd been bamboozled.

The banker listened quietly to the conversations around the room; they ranged from true art to the art of beating a person to a bloody smear. Hidan sat near him, laughing and swearing on every subject. Konan walked over and stood behind the couch. "Hey, I wonder how Zetsu and Tobi are doing right now."

"Well, according to the schedule, he and Tobi should be in Brazil by now," Pein said.

Hidan snorted. "Perfect. The retard and psycho are probably lounging on a beach in Rio right now."

--Somewhere off the coast of South America--

Zetsu sighed to himself. Damn that Tobi. They'd ended up stranded on this island, and the kid had wondered off. Listening to his good side, Zetsu had wondered into the jungle, and had come across the natives. After getting over their initial shock, the natives had tied him to a wooden pole and carried him back to their village, placing him over a fire. From this, Zetsu concluded two things. One; these people were cannibals. Two; they wanted to eat him.

Zetsu looked around at the dancing and chanting savages. If he didn't know better, he'd say there was irony in this situation somewhere.

The natives suddenly stopped. At first, the teen couldn't figure out why. Then, he heard twigs snapping, and a voice crying out. He groaned. He recognized that whine.

Sure enough, Tobi stumbled out of the bushes. At first, he looked very confused. But then he spotted Zetsu. "HI ZETSU!" he called, waving.

"**Tobi you moron!** Run for your life!" but it was too late; the villagers were already rushing at him. Suddenly a savage cry was heard. The hunters stopped and turned as an old man ran forward, yelling and waving. He rushed to the front of the group and pointed madly to the side. All heads, including Zetsu's, turned to where his was pointing. The teen's jaw dropped. "You've gotta be kidding me."

Standing in the center of the village was a giant stone statue shaped like a man wearing a swirly mask just like Tobi's.

Cries of distress were heard and all the natives fell to their knees, bowing to Tobi. "Hmm? Zetsu, what's wrong with these people?"

"Tobi, get me down! **And for god's sake, DO NOT TAKE OFF THAT MASK**!" Tobi, being a good boy, did as he was told and walked over, using a knife to free Zetsu. Zetsu grabbed the boy's hand and slowly backed up to the forest. "Ok, ok, keep walking, keep walking…**NOW RUN**!" he took off through the forest, dragging Tobi behind him.

--

"Well, I'm beat." Hidan yawned and rose to his feet, stretching. "Hey, Sasori, you gonna be able to get home? Your car's still at school."

"Yeah, I know." The red head shrugged. "I only drove it today to keep the battery from draining away. I can get it tomorrow." He rose to his feet. "Coming Deidara?"

"Yeah un!"

"Guess that means we've gotta leave too, right?" Kisame picked up Itachi and rose to his feet, setting the Uchiha down. "We'll be here tomorrow," Itachi stated, grabbing the shark's hand and exiting the room.

"Hidan, you mind walking the new guy home?" Pein asked.

"No problem. There's no point in our new banker getting killed by some bastards his first night here, right?" Hidan made an exaggerated motion, indicating that Kakuzu should lead the way.

Kakuzu wasn't big on talking. However, it was pretty obvious that Hidan loved to. This created an uncomfortable silence on the way back to Kakuzu's house. The banker decided to make an attempt at conversation. "So, what's the story with all you guys?"

"Hmm?"

"Like, Itachi and Kisame seem pretty close, and those two artists…you get what I'm saying now?"

Hidan nodded, smirking. "Yeah. Well, the reason Itachi and Kisame are so close is because they've been screwing for the past year. Bet you didn't see that coming."

Kakuzu's eyes widened. "They're gay?!"

Hidan nodded again. "Yup. Well, technically Kisame's bi, but that's beside the damn point. And I'm guessing you probably figured out that Deidara's gay as all hell, but the only guy he really likes is Sasori. And Sasori is **straight**. That doesn't keep Deidara from trying, though.

Pein and Konan have been together forever, Zetsu's straight, Tobi's….I don't know, but I feel sorry for whichever Jashin damned gender he ends up liking."

"This is my place," Kakuzu suddenly said. Hidan stopped and looked the building over. It was in better shape than Pein and Konan's place, for sure. "So, you live here," he muttered quietly, almost to himself. Suddenly he smiled. "Ok, so if you skip out on us, I'll know where to find your sorry ass." He turned and walked away. "See ya!"

Kakuzu walked up to the door and down the hall. It wasn't until he'd walked inside his apartment that he realized Hidan hadn't mentioned his own gender preferences.


	5. part 4

After his first few weeks, Kakuzu couldn't image his life without the Akatsuki. They were his friends, partners in crime, everything. He still didn't know too much about their backgrounds, but that was fine with him. After all, from what he could tell, they didn't have too many problems.

That delusion was shattered one day after school.

The Akatsuki were walking out of the building, heading towards the base. Suddenly, Deidara turned on a street corner, going off down a road Kakuzu hadn't been on. "Deidara, where are you going?" he called.

Deidara stopped and turned, giving him a half-hearted smile. "My dad wanted me home early, un."

The banker felt the atmosphere instantly shift. "Deidara, you don't have to go," Itachi stated.

"Yeah, just come with us," Hidan called in an almost pleading voice. Kakuzu raised a brow. What was going on?

"It'll be fine," Deidara replied, giving the entire group his fake grin. "Save some food for me, un!" And with that he left.

Kakuzu noticed how the conversation level drastically dropped. Hidan leaned in close to Sasori. "You better stay until he shows up." The red head nodded. Kakuzu wanted to ask why it mattered whether or not Sasori stayed around, but held his tongue.

When they arrived at the apartment, they told the leader and Konan the news. Konan and Pein exchanged worried looks before ushering the kids into the living room. Kakuzu wanted to ask what was wrong, but was worried about what kind of answer he'd get. If he even got one.

It was Itachi's turn to cook, and the weasel decided to make Mexican. The conversation began to pick up again, and Kakuzu almost forgot about Deidara.

Until the apartment door opened again.

He looked up at the sound and couldn't believe his eyes. Deidara was leaning heavily on the door frame, panting. His hair was a mess, and he had blood going down his arm. "Danna, un…"

The red head looked up at the nickname and frowned. He walked over to the artist, wrapping his arms around the sculptor's slim frame. "He did it again?" By now everyone was watching them.

Deidara nodded. Sasori gave an exasperated sigh. "I thought so. Come on." And without another word he ushered Deidara into the bathroom.

The room was as quiet as a funeral parlor. Kakuzu finally managed to open his mouth. "Hey, Hidan?"

"Yeah?"

"What happened to Deidara? He looks like he just got mugged."

Hidan laughed. "I wish it were that simple," he spat out bitterly. "At least then we could beat the hell outta the person that did this." He frowned. "It's his dad."

Kakuzu's eyes widened. "His dad did THAT?"

"It happens pretty often," Itachi said, butting in. "Haven't you noticed how he comes to school with bruises all the time?"

"Well, yeah, but I thought he jut got into fights or something."

"No, it's his Jashin damned alcoholic father!" Hidan practically yelled, slamming his fist into a wall and adding a few more choice words to the man's description.

"Then why the hell don't you guys do something about it?!" Kakuzu demanded.

"Well-"

"All done," Sasori called out, walking back into the room. Deidara followed him a moment later, hair back in place and a bandage on his arm. "It wasn't too bad, un. He barely even grazed my arm." Kakuzu didn't bother asking what had cut the sculptor; in truth, he wasn't sure he wanted to know. "I'll tell you later," Hidan whispered to the banker.

The conversation was slow to pick up, but with Deidara and Hidan around it was hard for the somber mood to hang around. Soon they were joking around again, Deidara's incident all but forgotten. Still, the group couldn't help notice how willing Deidara was to lean on Sasori for support when they walked down the steps.

As Hidan and Kakuzu walked towards the banker's apartment, the Jashinist began to speak. "So, you wanna know why the hell we don't do anything?" A nod. "I'll tell you. When we first found out what that son of a bitch was doing, we tried to tell. But we were only ten, and the Jashin damned teachers wouldn't listen. They even called that bastard and told him what kind of liars his son had for friends!" Hidan's fist curled into a ball. "And then…"

"Then?"

"Deidara wound up in the damn hospital." Kakuzu's eyes widened. "His dad said that some punks had beaten the crap out of him on the way home. A pretty believable story, if you didn't know the bastard like we did.

When we saw him, he was crying. He begged us not to say anything again; his dad would either kill him or keep him home from school permanently. Either way, we'd be screwed.

So, in exchange for keeping quiet, his dad lets him stay with us. It's an unspoken agreement, I guess."

Kakuzu's rage was nearly boiling over. "That monster," he hissed.

Hidan nodded. "I know, but there's nothing we can do. But I swear, one day that bastard's gonna get it, if it kills me." Kakuzu was a bit surprised by the anger in Hidan's voice; ordinarily the immortal acted like the blonde was beneath him, and picked on him. This was a new side of the Jashinist he hadn't seen before. "Hidan, why did you say Sasori had to stick around until Deidara showed up?"

The silver haired teen grinned. "You know how I told you Sasori's straight, but Deidara really likes him? There are a few ways the sculptor can get Sasori close to him. Those injuries are one way.

See, that stubborn blonde won't let anyone but Sasori near those Jashin damned marks on him." He laughed. "I remember this one time the old bastard had broken a beer bottle on Dei's head. None of the damage was lasting or deep, but when a person bursts into an apartment at nine o' clock at night, bleeding and screaming, you don't really notice that kind of crap. Well, we tried to help him, but that idiot wouldn't let us anywhere near him. He said he wanted his danna to take care of it. Unfortunately, Sasori had already gone home for the night. So, Pein had to run out, find the poor bastard, and drag him back to the base." Hidan's grin grew wider. "I swear, if he didn't look like he was about to die of blood loss, Sasori would have strangled Deidara then and there. Although the blonde did get a few good whacks later on for it, though. And ever since then, Sasori knows to hang around until Dei's been taken care of."

"Wow, that's f-ed up," Kakuzu muttered thoughtfully.

Hidan shook his head. "I know, but we've all got problems."

"Such as?"

"Well, Pein and Konan have been on their own for as long as we've known them; guess that's why they're so close. Kisame used to be a thug, and Sasori lost both his parents and his grandma (although they left him a pretty tidy sum of cash). Itachi had a pretty bad family life, but that's a whole other story. Tobi….well, we're not really sure what happened to him, but whatever it was convinced him he has to wear a freaky mask and be a 'good boy' all the Jashin damned time." The Jashinist turned to Kakuzu, looking him up and down. "And I'd say you've had it pretty bad too."

"I lost my parents and got pretty cut up a while back," the banker admitted. They stopped walking; the two were in front of Kakuzu's apartment. "What about you, Hidan?"

The immortal paused, as if choosing his words carefully. "I guess……….I'm kinda lucky. My family just hates my guts." He spun around and walked off, waving over his shoulder. "See ya, dumbass!" Kakuzu waved back, wondering what the Jashinist had left out of his explanation.


	6. part 5

--time passes--

"Danna, I'm hungry, un!" Deidara whined, hovering over the red head.

"Alright, alright, just hold on! You should be grateful I even bring you food, brat," Sasori muttered as he dug through his bag. "Here, now eat it and shut up." Deidara smiled and snatched the food, accidentally knocking over Sasori's bag and spilling its contents onto the ground. "Watch it, brat!" the red head glared.

Kakuzu noticed a blue doll and picked it up out of sheer curiosity. Upon closer inspection, he realized it was a small Kisame puppet. "Sasori, why do you have a marionette of Kisame?"

Hidan's face lit up. "Oh yeah, he hasn't seen 'em yet! You'll get one hell of a laugh outta this, Kakuzu." He grabbed the bag and turned it upside-down, dumping all the items within onto the ground.

Kakuzu's eyes widened as he saw the miniature Akatsuki puppets. "Sasori…..what…..the…..hell…."

Deidara dropped his food and walked over. "It's danna's art, un!" he declared, picking up a miniature Konan. "He says art is eternal, and makes these little puppets to prove it, un!"

Itachi nodded in agreement. "Yup. He's got one for everyone but you, Kakuzu. And I wouldn't be surprised to find out he's making one right now for- Hidan, cut that out!" the Jashinist had found the Kisame and Itachi puppets and was making the shark doll hump the mini Uchiha.

"What's the big deal? You two do it for real all the time!" the silver haired teen laughed and narrowly avoided a flying shoe aimed at his head.

"This one's my favorite, un," Deidara stated thoughtfully, picking up the mini Akasuna and hugging it.

"That because that's as close as you'll ever get to the red head," Kisame joked.

"And THIS Sasori doesn't hit me whenever I hug him, un!" Deidara added, shooting the puppeteer a glance and cuddling the doll against his chest.

"If you all are quite done, I'd like my art back now." One by one, all the puppets were returned, except for the Sasori doll. "Deidara, hand it over."

"But, danna," the blonde whimpered, an uke-ish look spreading across his face. "I wanna play with it a little longer, un."

The red head looked like he was about to protest, but decided against it. "Alright. But if you break it, I'll break you." Deidara smiled and sat down next to Sasori, still hugging the puppet.

"Damn, Sasori, blondie's got you wrapped around his little finger" Hidan had to avoid another flying shoe.

Satisfied with having annoyed everyone else, Hidan crawled over to Kakuzu. "What's for lunch?" he'd gotten into the habit of stealing anything Kakuzu didn't want, or going hungry.

"Leftover Mexican takeout." Hidan frowned. "Bleh. Can I have some?"

The banker sighed. "Sure." He gave the Jashinist about half the food in his lunch bag and watched as Hidan practically inhaled it. If he had to guess, he'd say the sculptor wasn't the only one that went without breakfast. "Hey, you guys ever wonder if Mexican food tastes like the Mexican food in Mexico?"

"I guess," Sasori answered. "But we'll never know for sure."

"But Zetsu and Tobi! I'll have to ask them about it when they get back."

"I wonder what the weather in Mexico's like this time of year, un."

--Somewhere near the Yucatan Peninsula, Mexico--

The clouds parted, revealing a full moon. Zetsu was grateful for the light; he doubted anyone around here even knew what a street light was.

Tobi had managed to wonder off yet again, and Zetsu was getting worried. The locals had been extremely nervous, and not a single one of them had volunteered to help look for the kid once the sun went down. If only Zetsu could speak some Spanish, then maybe he could figure out the problem. But, wishful thinking wouldn't help him find Tobi now.

"Tobi, where are you? **Come here, you damnable brat!** Be nice. **Why should I?"** "ZETSU, LOOK!" the schizo watched as Tobi ran up, carrying something. The boy suddenly tripped, hurling it at Zetsu. It hit him square in the face, making him stumble. "OWW! **Dammit Tobi, what is this**?!"

"A goat, Zetsu!" he responded cheerfully.

"………………………..Why do you have a goat?"

"Because it was bleeding, and I wanted you to help it!"

"Ok, and are there any other goats around?"

"Well, yeah, but there were all dead. There were funny little holes in them, like a scary vampire got them! But this one was alive, and since Tobi's a good boy, he wanted to save it."

"**Well the damned goat just bled all over me!" **But something was nagging at Zetsu's mind. _Let's see, the goats had had all the blood sucked out……there were in Mexico……the goat sucker…._His eyes widened. _"Oh crap."_

Right on cue, El Chupacabra came flying through the air, attacking Zetsu.

Tobi watched as the schizophrenic man wrestled with the monster. "**OWW, I'm not a goat!** Get off my leg! Bad Chupathingy, BAD CHUPATHINGY! punch **Tobi, get a knife!** chomp Get off my arm now! punch GRR! **Grr to you too!"** Zetsu grabbed the goat sucker by the hind leg and slammed him into the ground, cracking his skull.

Zetsu was panting and looked rather dishelved. "Tobi…."

"Yes Zetsu?"

"Get a fire, some bread, and ketchup. We're having chupa-burgers for dinner."

--

The final bell had rung, and all the Akatsuki members were eager to leave the school. As they walked to the sidewalk, Hidan looked down the street and frowned. "Hey, Itachi?"

"Hmm?"

"Isn't that your brother?" Kakuzu and Itachi turned in the direction the Jashinist was pointing. Almost instantly Kakuzu saw a young teen with the same hair and eye color as Itachi. He heard a growl and turned to see Kisame glaring at the approaching boy as Itachi pressed his back against the shark's chest. "What now?" Kisame growled.


	7. part 6

Sasuke walked over to the Akatsuki, ignoring all of them but Itachi. "What is it?" the older Uchiha asked, his voice calm and collected.

Sasuke seemed to take an eternity just to glare at his brother. "Mom's in the hospital," he finally said.

Kakuzu could have sworn he saw Itachi jump, but the movement was so brief he'd probably never know for certain. "I see," Itachi replied, looking his brother square in the eyes. "Thank you for letting me know. I suppose it's expected of me to visit her?"

Sasuke frowned and turned away. "Don't come if it'll kill you. In fact, if mom weren't begging to see you every five minutes, I wouldn't have come and found you in the first place." He looked over his shoulder and glared at his brother, eyes flashing red for a second. "But I don't really get why she'd want to see you, since you're the whole reason she's there now!!" and with that the younger Uchiha took off running. Kakuzu looked at Itachi, but neither his facial expression nor his body language exposed anything. It looked like he was going to have to ask Hidan about this issue.

Before he could ask the Jashinist about it, however, Itachi sighed and leaned back against Kisame, eyes shut. "I guess I have to go to the hospital, don't I?" he whispered to no one in particular.

Kisame wrapped his arms tightly around Itachi. "You don't have to," the shark whispered.

Very slowly, Itachi opened his eyes. "Yes I do. She's my mother; I have no real grudge against her. Besides, if I don't go, I'll get hell from Sasuke, and the last thing I need is that weak little brat following us around with another reason for his 'revenge'." The Uchiha gently pulled away from Kisame and began walking in the direction that Sasuke had run off in.

Kisame watched him for a moment, then walked behind him. His strides were much longer than Itachi's, so it only took him a moment to catch up with the weasel. The rest of the group turned and headed in the direction of the apartment. Kakuzu tried to follow them, but a hand shot out and caught his arm. He looked down and saw that it was Hidan's. The silver haired teen wasn't looking at the banker, but at the shark and weasel. "You wanna know what's up, right? Come on, going to the hospital will make it a hell of a lot easier for me to explain." Kakuzu didn't argue and followed the shorter teen.

The hospital was only about a mile away from the high school. AS soon as Kakuzu stepped inside, the familiar scent of bleach and sickness invaded his nostrils. No matter where you go, hospitals were all basically the same. The smell, the rushing doctors….the crying nurses……….the drugs that were supposed to take away the pain……

Kakuzu felt like he was going to be sick. He had been an idiot; he should NOT have come in here, he was going to be sick, the memories, pain, stitches-

"Hey, dumbass, wake up!" the banker looked down on Hidan. "You ok?"

"I don't exactly like hospitals," Kakuzu muttered. Hidan raised a brow but said nothing. "Come on, we're gonna lose them." The banker nodded and followed Hidan up a flight of steps. "How do you know where to go?"

"Watched the elevator they got on, dumbass. Light stopped on the Jashin damned third floor."

The pushed open the door and stepped out onto a mostly empty floor of the hospital. They saw Kisame at the end of the hall; being over six feet tall and blue definitely made a person stick out. They saw the two walk down the hall, counting room numbers. When they finally stopped, Itachi looked at Kisame, took a deep breath, and walked inside the room.

Kakuzu and Hidan walked up to Kisame. "What the hell happened?" Hidan asked tactlessly.

"She collapsed. They're not sure why. They put her in here for observation, but they've got no clue what's wrong." Kisame's eyes never left Itachi.

A tired looking woman was sitting in the bed, with Sasuke sitting in a chair nearby. Itachi silently walked over to them. "Hello, mother."

The woman and son both started; when they realized it was Itachi, the woman smiled, and Sasuke looked away, frowning. "Hello, Itachi. How have you been, hon?"

"Alright," Itachi answered, looking at the floor. Kakuzu was amazed at how uncomfortable Itachi seemed around his own family.

"Itachi, honey, please come home." Sasuke stiffened, but the motion went unnoticed by the mother. "Please, Itachi; we can work this all out. Your father-"

"Mother," Itachi sighed, shutting his eyes. "I know how father is. He will never change his mind. I'm happy where I am now. That place….just isn't….my home anymore."

The mother became visibly depressed. "Oh. I see…."

Silence filled the room, nearly suffocating the inhabitants.

"Look, mo-"

"What the hell is he doing in here?!" a man had entered the room, pushing past the Akatsuki members in his way. Either he didn't notice them, or he chose to ignore them. "Why is that little shit in here?! Go back to your freak show of friends, you thankless brat!" Judging from his reaction, the man had picked the latter option.

Itachi turned to face the man. "I only came because mother wanted to see me. Apparently that was a mistake."

"You're damn right! The nerve you've got, even showing your face around us; I never want to see your face again, you here me?!"

"Quite clearly." Itachi brushed past the man, walking towards his friends. "Kisame, let's go."

"Still hanging out with him? I suppose I should be grateful that that monster hauled your sorry ass out of my house, shouldn't I?!" Itachi flinched, stopping. "Oh, so I can say whatever I want about you, but I mess with your little pals and suddenly you get all defensive?" The elder Uchiha was smirking. "I'll never understand why you choose to hang out with this low class scum, anyway-"

Itachi's eyes flashed red, and in a flash his father was pinned to the wall. "One more word, and mother won't be the only one who's hospitalized," he hissed through gritted teeth. He held his father there for a moment longer, then released the man, stomping out of the room. Kisame, Kakuzu, and Hidan followed him, but not before Hidan flipped the man the birdie.

Itachi walked down the hallway, deathly silent. His hands were clenched into fists, and if the banker had to guess, he'd saw the Uchiha was gritting his teeth. Suddenly Itachi stooped, shaking. In a flash his raised him arm and tried to punch a wall.

Kisame's hand shot out and caught the fist. "Itachi, if you break your knuckles, you'll be stuck around them longer." Itachi's shaking slowly subsided. "You're right." His hand limply fell to the side. "We're going home." Kakuzu and Hidan took the stairwell as Kisame and Itachi climbed into the elevator.

When they got outside, Kakuzu shot Hidan a questioning look. "Ok, I just wanted you to see that so you'd know what kinda hell Itachi went through."

"Hidan, what happened?"

"Good thing your house is on the other side of town, because this story if fucking long." The Jashinist sighed. "Well, Itachi comes from the Uchiha family. And those bastards are convinced that they're the best, so their fucking offspring has to be too.

Itachi fits that description pretty damn well. He's athletic, smart, quick-witted…" Hidan was counting the things off on his finger. "The only thing that bastard lacks is people skills.

Well, Itachi's dad didn't think he was good enough. That bastard pushed him to study harder, exercise more…actually, that jackass's almost as bad as Deidara's old man.

It eventually got to the point where Itachi stopped hanging around us. The fucked up part was, he'd been going out with Kisame for a few weeks, and then just dropped us cold turkey. We had no Jashin damned clue what the hell had happened."

"Then what?" Kakuzu asked, an inexplicable sickening feeling developing in his stomach.

Hidan paused. "Well, we were pissed as all hell. We didn't mind him leaving so much as leaving without an explanation. So, Kisame, Sasori, and yours truly decided to hunt the weasel down and get an explanation out of him by any fucking means necessary. So one night, we went to his house." Hidan shuddered. "It was….awful.

The door was open, so we just fucking walked in. Furniture was overturned, a bunch of glass was on the kitchen floor, and Sasuke and the old man were out cold. His mom was just sitting in a fucking ball, crying. We finally figured out Itachi was up in his room. Kisame ran up there and into his room." Hidan turned and looked Kakuzu straight in the eye. "I swear, he screamed enough to rouse Jashin.

A few minutes later, he was down the stairs, carrying Itachi." Hidan turned away. "The poor bastard looked like a fucking zombie, and he had those cuts under his eyes…" he shook his head. "Anyway, his dad woke up then. I think he was gonna nail Itachi, until he saw Kisame."

"Yeah, Kisame has that effect on people," Kakuzu muttered.

Hidan nodded. "And the shark looked like he was gonna kill the bastard. So he just yelled at Itachi to stay the fuck out of his house, and we left. Kisame took Itachi home, and they've been inseparable ever since that fucking night." Hidan looked at Kakuzu again. "But after that, his dad started acting like an asshole 24/7, and his mom had to be put on a bunch of medication. Sasuke blamed Itachi for it all, so he's been running around for two years trying to get his Jashin damned revenge, or something."

"Whoa."

"I know."

--

Kisame and Itachi stepped inside the shark's apartment. The place was pretty tidy, since Itachi took care of the housekeeping. The sun was going down, so only a little light came in through the half closed blinds.

The shark was getting concerned. Itachi hadn't said a word the entire way home. He was starting to think the weasel would get depressed again. "Itachi-" The weasel slowly turned around, pain written all over his face. He slowly approached his lover, stopping only when their bodies were separated by inches. He stood on his toes, pressing his lips to Kisame's.

The shark gently returned the kiss, before pulling away. "Itachi-" the weasel cut him off again, giving him a more forceful kiss. This time Kisame sensed the need in gesture, and gave up on talking. Words wouldn't help Itachi right now.

The Uchiha could have smiled when Kisame returned the forceful kiss, pushing against his partner. He backed them up, until Itachi was pressed against the wall. Kisame began biting the weasel's lower lip, and Itachi glad gave entrance, feeling the shark instantly dominate him, as the memories flooded his mind…

"_How exactly did this happen?" Itachi asked, pressing a band aid to Kisame's face._

"_I got in a fight," the shark answered, grinning._

_The Uchiha rolled his eyes. "That doesn't answer my question. Why do you always get into fights? You've earned yourself a reputation as the school thug, you know."_

_Kisame shrugged. "Like I give a damn." Itachi looked away, thinking, before grabbing Kisame's chin and forcing the shark to look at him. "Hmm? What's up, Itachi?"_

"_Please, no more fights." Kisame looked into his best friend's eyes and saw genuine pain. He smirked. "You sound like you're my freaking girlfriend." Itachi turned red, releasing the shark and walking away. Kisame sighed and stood. "Fine. No more fights. Happy?"_

"_Yes."_

Itachi moaned as Kisame's tongue wrapped around his own, pulling it into the shark's mouth. His body was heating up now. The shark finally pulled away, giving them both a chance for some much-needed air. In only a moment their lips were together again, and Itachi became aware that his knees had given out; the only thing holding him up was Kisame's body pressing him against the wall.

"_I'll be back after school," Itachi called out._

"_Don't waste any time hanging out with your friends," his father ordered. "Your future is more important than some social hour." Itachi nodded and walked out the door._

_Kisame was waiting for him on the sidewalk. He saw the look on Itachi's face and couldn't help but smirk. "Your old man chew you out again?"_

"_What was your first clue?"_

_Kisame snickered. "Aww, cheer up, you grumpy little weasel."_

"_I don't feel like it."_

_Kisame walked in front of Itachi and pinched his cheek. "Come on, smile ITA-CHAN."_

_Itachi's eyes flashed red. "You are dead," he whispered. Kisame laughed as Itachi chased after him, fully prepared to fulfill his threat. _

Itachi's hands reached up and grasped Kisame's shirt, slowly unbuttoning the article of clothing. Kisame's hands mirrored the movement, quickly undressing his partner. Kisame broke away from their kiss to ravish the nearly exposed flesh. He kissed down his partner's neck, biting at the pale skin and making Itachi moan. The Uchiha's hands slid up Kisame's torso, coming to rest in his hair and tugging the blue locks.

"_Kisame, can we talk?" the shark blinked and looked down at his friend. This was the first time in days Itachi had spoken to him, and the weasel looked nervous as hell. They'd been walking home from school, when Itachi had pulled them off the sidewalk and into the park._

"_Sure. What is it?" Kisame inquired. Itachi began to fidget, looking away. Kisame leaned closer to the teen, making him blush. "Well, Itachi?"_

_The Uchiha took a deep breath, then jerked forward and crashed their lips together in a kiss. Instantly he pulled away, blushing like crazy, while Kisame stared at him, completely dumbfounded. "Itachi?"_

"_Kisame, I really like you. Really, REALLY like you, in fact." Itachi shut his eyes, sighing. "I just had to get that out, Kisame. We can go now."_

"_I don't think so." Itachi barely had enough time for the words to register before Kisame tilted his chin up and brought their lips together again. He shut his eyes and melted into it, almost upset when the shark pulled away. "And here I thought I was the only one who felt something," Kisame said, grinning widely._

"_So you feel the same?" Itachi asked, a bit surprised._

"_Yup." Kisame wrapped his arms around Itachi. "Itachi, wanna go out with me?"_

_The Uchiha smiled. "Yes." He received another kiss for the answer._

"Ki…sa…." Itachi panted, rubbing his body against the shark's. He was getting hard, and he guessed Kisame was as well.

The two somehow managed to get to the bedroom. Kisame pushed Itachi down onto the bed, kissing his passionately as Itachi undid the shark's pants.

"_I don't want you around those punks ever again!" _

"_They're my friends!" Itachi shouted angrily._

"_I don't care! They're nothing but a distraction from your studies. Especially that giant blue freak." It took all of Itachi's willpower and then some to keep him from attacking his father at the comment. "Listen, you ungrateful brat, either you stop hanging out with that crowd, or I transfer you to an entirely different school! Understand?"_

"_Yes, father," Itachi hissed through clenched teeth._

The shark ripped of Itachi's clothing, eyes hungrily scanning his lover's small body. He lightly ran his hands up and down Itachi's sides, before leaning in and kissing him again. The Uchiha ground his hips into Kisame's, earning moans from both of them. "Don't keep me waiting," he breathed into the shark's ear, eyes glazing over with lust.

"_Kisame, we need to talk." Itachi had been dreading this moment all day. The shark walked up to him, smiling. "What is it, Itachi?"_

_The Uchiha couldn't even look him in the eye. "Kisame, I want to break up."_

_The shark's eyes widened, and his smile fell. "Wh-why?"_

"_I'd rather not say," Itachi replied, still not looking at his former boyfriend. He turned to leave. "And I'm leaving the Akatsuki as well."_

_Kisame was in shock. "Itachi, please tell me this is some sick joke. Please just-"_

"_KISAME, SHUT UP!" the shark was startled; he'd never heard Itachi yell like this. "Don't you get it?! I'm dumping your ass, I'm leaving you guys, and that's that!" Itachi took off before Kisame could argue. If he stayed, he might take it all back._

Kisame pulled his fingers out of Itachi's mouth, sliding them down the Uchiha's body and teasingly tracing circles around his entrance. Itachi shot him a look and he roughly shoved two fingers inside the weasel, earning a cry and a look of pain from Itachi. "Not so hasty," the Uchiha whispered, tears coming to his eyes.

Kisame uttered a quiet apology and kissed the tears away, scissoring his fingers and stretching the Uchiha enough to slip in a third digit. Itachi quickly adjusted and began squirming beneath his partner, urging him silently to move. Kisame began moving his fingers, looking for one particular spot…Itachi 

cried out and threw his head back. Kisame repeated the action and received the same reaction. There it was.

He removed his fingers, making the Uchiha pout. Kisame picked up Itachi's legs and rested them on his shoulder, positioning himself outside Itachi's entrance. Itachi shot him a begging look, and he quickly thrust in. Itachi screamed, and everything disappeared from his world but the feeling of Kisame within him.

_Itachi lay on his bed, staring blankly at the ceiling. He had homework, but he wasn't likely to do it. He needed to eat, but didn't feel like it. All that mattered in his life was gone, and he was taking it hard. He finally decided to get something to eat; no point in starving. At least not yet._

_As he walked down the stairs and hallway, he heard his parents arguing in the kitchen. "You can't do that to him!" his mother. But what was wrong? He stopped outside the door to listen._

"_Itachi's going, and that's final!" the weasel's eyes widened; where were they sending him? And why?_

"_But you said he could stay if he got rid of his friends!" his mother pleaded._

"_I have no intention of keeping that promise. You think he'll actually be ok here? Hell no! We're sending him away from here, with people who are actually acceptable. Unlike that shit he insists on hanging out with; really, those punks have no place in our world. We'd be better off if they were dead. But, since that's only wishful thinking, we'll settle for the next best thing, and get Itachi out of here. Pretty soon he won't remember them at all." Itachi walked into the room then, eyes glued to the ground. "Hmm? What is it, Itachi?"_

_The teen was shaking, his hands curled into fists. He looked up, eyes red and face full of rage. "You bastard," he hissed._

_And then everything was a blur._

_Itachi barely saw or heard what happened next; a crash, a scream, his father lunging at him, only to be beat down; his mother getting caught in the crossfire, as the rooms were turned inside out; Sasuke rushing in, seeing the fight, and attacking him, only to be hurled into a wall, sliding limply down onto the floor._

_Itachi wound up in his room again, panting heavily. He felt something warm and wet drip down his face. He reached up and touched his face. When he pulled his hand away, he saw blood. He must have gotten cut up. Or maybe he cut himself; what did it matter?_

_Suddenly he heard voices downstairs. Then the sound of footsteps. The feet stopped outside his door; had his dad already woken up? The door burst open-_

_And Kisame stood before him._

Itachi moaned as Kisame thrust in and out of him, digging his fingers into the sheets beneath him. The shark was pounding into him fast and hard, sending stars across his vision with each well aimed thrust. He knew he couldn't last much longer; he was getting too hot, too tight, his body so close to that blissful edge…"KISAME!" he screamed, exploding on their stomachs, his body buckling, completely spent. Kisame moaned and gave a few more thrusts before climaxing within Itachi.

_Time had frozen for the two teens. Suddenly Kisame lunged at Itachi, knocking them down onto the Uchiha's bed. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" he screamed louder than Itachi could ever remember hearing._

_The shark had pinned one of Itachi's hands above his head, but the Uchiha couldn't figure out why. It didn't matter; all he cared about was being so close to Kisame again._

_Kisame reached up and yanked something out of Itachi's hands; a penknife. So, the Uchiha had made the cuts under his eyes. "ITACHI, ANSWER ME!!" the shark yelled again._

_Itachi smiled. "You're here." He couldn't stop himself, he couldn't think it through; he just wrenched his arms free and forced his body up. In the next moment, he was embracing Kisame._

_The shark tried to pull free, but couldn't get the weasel off of him. "Itachi, what's going on?!" He stared down at his former boyfriend, and his eyes widened. "Itachi?" he asked softly._

_The weasel's vision went blurry, and he felt a stinging sensation on his cuts; was he crying? "Kisame, don't go. I'll die. I'll kill them. I'll do both. I just can't have you gone." He buried his face in Kisame's shoulder. "I love you too much."_

_Kisame held still, absorbing the words, not caring about the blood and tears staining his shirt. "That's it."_

_Itachi pulled away to look at his friend. "What?"_

"_You're coming with me." Kisame scooped up Itachi and carried him out of the room bridal style. Itachi rested his head against the shark's chest, listening to the hammering of Kisame's heart._

_Sasori and Hidan were at the bottom of the stairs, and judging from the expressions on their faces Itachi looked worse than he had thought. He heard a groan, and his father walked in. The man stopped when he saw his eldest son, a look of rage crossing his face. "You little shit! I'm gonna-"_

"_You'll what?" Kisame growled menacingly. The man gulped, clearly intimidated, but not ready to back down just yet. "That's my son, and you'd do well to stay out of this. He lives in this house, he abides by my rules. Put him down!"_

"_He's my boyfriend, and he's coming with me!" Kisame snarled, clutching Itachi closer to his chest._

_The man was taken aback, but quickly regained his composure. "Fine. Take the little homo. But don't ever set foot in my house again, you piece of-" Hidan punched the man in the gut, silencing any further insults that he may have added._

_Itachi felt exhaustion sweep over his body. He shut his eyes, allowing blissful sleep to wash over him. When he woke up, he was lying in a warm bed that smelled like Kisame._

The two lovers lay next to each other, chests heaving as they tried to catch their breath. "I'll shower first," Kisame whispered, giving the weasel a chaste kiss and climbing out of the bed. Itachi merely nodded; speaking was still beyond him at this point.

An hour later, both Kisame and Itachi had finished their showers. Itachi had dried off and was sitting in the bathroom on top of the toilet seat. He couldn't go back into the bedroom just yet; he didn't know why, he just couldn't.

"_He always protects me,"_ he thought to himself. _"I make his life hell, I rarely acknowledge his importance, but he still cares for me." _Tears came to the Uchiha's eyes. _"Why?"_

"Itachi? Are you ok?" Kisame opened the door and walked inside the room. "Itachi, what's wrong?" he rushed over to his lover and kneeled in front of the smaller man, concern written all over his face. "Was I too rough?"

Despite everything, Itachi couldn't help but laugh. "No, Kisame." He leaned forward and pressed his face into Kisame's neck. His partner's scent reminded him of spring rain. He smiled. "I love you." The shark returned the smile and picked his boyfriend up, carrying him to bed. He carefully tucked the weasel under the covers before climbing in beside him. "Goodnight, Itachi."

The Uchiha snuggled against Kisame. "Goodnight."

--

"Hey, Hidan?"

"Hmm?"

"Where do you live?"

"Why the hell are you asking?" Hidan replied, truly curious.

"You house has gotta be close by. And you always walk me home; the least I can do is return the favor."

Hidan frowned. "There's no fucking need to do that, Kakuzu."

"I know." The banker was getting annoyed. "But I still want to."

Hidan glared at him. "Well, I don't fucking want you to, so don't!"

Kakuzu raised a brow. "Whoa, what the hell? I'm just trying to be nice."

"Well you can stop! I can fucking get home on home on my own, dammit!" By now the Jashinist was shouting.

"Hidan-" but before he could get another word out, the silver haired teen had kneed him in the stomach, making Kakuzu grunt and fall to the ground. By the time he was able to stand, Hidan was gone.


	8. part 7

Kakuzu was determined to find out where Hidan lived, or at least why he wouldn't let the banker walk him home. His chance came one day when the Jashinist skipped school, leaving Kakuzu free to interrogate the other Akatsuki members.

He brought it up at lunch. "Hey, any of you guys know where Hidan lives?" Better to just be straightforward about it.

"Hmm? Why are you asking?" Sasori answered, raising a brow.

"Well, I tried to walk him home the other night, but he flat out refused. Bastard even kicked me in the stomach."

"That's just Hidan being a bastard, un," Deidara called out, showering food crumbs on the unfortunates sitting below him.

"How many times must I tell you, don't talk with you mouth full, brat!"

"Yes Sasori danna."

"Don't push it; if Hidan doesn't want you to go to his home, there's probably a reason for it," Itachi stated. He and Kisame were sitting next to each other in the shade of the tree.

"Dammit, why's it so hot?" Kisame groaned, leaning back against a tree. It was one of those nasty fall days that made you think it was still summer, and all the Akatsuki were baking. "I bet Zetsu and Tobi are nice on cool right now."

"Yeah, un. How much you wanna bet their on some tropical beach right now, un?"

--Somewhere near the Sahara desert--

Zetsu sighed and wiped the sweat off his brow. Why did deserts have to be so hot? He had hoped to check into a hotel room by now, but of course Tobi had run off.

"**The brat was supposed to be here at 1:00.** It's only 1:15. **He's late.** He's still a good boy." "ZETSU!" both voices shut up when they heard the oh so familiar cry of the annoying masked kid. As he approached, however, Zetsu noticed a strange woman following him. "Tobi, who is she?"

"This is Tanya! And she gets to play with me!" the schizo could practically see Tobi beaming behind his swirly mask.

"Tobi, what do you mean?"

"Well, Tobi saw her, and she looked sad, so I went over to play with her!" Tobi paused, and Zetsu could picture a frown. "But this mean man ran up and yelled a bunch of stuff I didn't understand. And then he waved money in my face, and I guess he wanted more, 'cause when I held up the money you gave me, he stopped yelling. He took some and pointed at me, and yelled at her. And then he ran off."

Zetsu was in disbelief. "Tobi, you didn't buy playtime**. You bought HER!!"**

"Does that mean she can stay with us?" Zetsu was having extreme difficulties in keeping his self control. "Well, how much did he take?" Tobi held up the money. Zetsu was surprised to find only a few bills gone. "He only took that little?" He shot the woman a glance. **"Alright, what's wrong with her?"**

Tobi thought for a moment, then suddenly jumped up. "Oh yeah, the guy was yelling a long word. Um, let's see, it was sk, ski, skitso-"

"**It's Schizophrenic, you little moron**!" The woman yelled in perfect English. "Now, now, be nice. **I don't wanna!** Well he's a nice kid, so behave."

"Wow Zetsu, she's just like you! Hmm? Zetsu, where are you going?" the man took a deep breath, walked over to the nearest building, and began pounding his head against the wall.

ZETSU!"

"Oh my."

"**Weirdo." **

**--**

Kakuzu finally gave up trying to find the address by asking around. He was going to do this the old fashioned way; by stalking the Jashinist.

A few nights later, Hidan walked him home again. After the two said goodbye, Kakuzu waited for Hidan to turn the corner, before he began following him.

The Jashinist walked up and down the streets for a few hours, not really heading to any specific spot as far as the banker could tell. Kakuzu was getting concerned; didn't his parents care at all what their son did at night?

Finally, they reached the local park. Kakuzu figured that his friend was finally going to go home by taking a shortcut through the park.

Hidan walked along the path for a time before stopping by a bench. To Kakuzu's amazement, the Jashinist pulled off his shirt, wadded it up into a crude pillow, and curled up on the bench, trying to sleep.

The banker stared at him for a moment, to see if Hidan would get up and go home.

He didn't.

Quietly, Kakuzu approached his friend. "Hidan…"

He may as well have fired a gun from the way Hidan jumped. "Jashin dammit, what the hell?!"

"Hidan, why are you sleeping on a park bench?"

The Jashinist flinched, then nervously began rubbing the back of his head. "My parents and I got into a fight, so I decided to get the hell outta there for tonight," he answered quickly. Too quickly.

"Hidan…" the silver haired teen sighed, realizing there was no way out of this. "Fine, you want the Jashin damned truth?" He sank down onto the bench. "My parents hate my freaking guts. Especially my religion. The bastards said they didn't want their damn son in some cult, and that only made things worse. Eventually, they just threw me out on my ass."

"How long ago was this?"

"About three years." Kakuzu's jaw nearly hit the ground. "And you've been out here all that time?! What the hell do you do in winter?!"

"That's what the Jashin dammed subway benches are for," Hidan answered in a bored tone.

"What about food? And clothing?!"

"I raid the home ec. room every now and again." Kakuzu shook his head. "Hidan, why didn't you tell anyone about this?"

Hidan snorted, smirking at his friend. "Get real. You think any of them have room and resources to help my sorry ass? Besides, I fine. And if you'll excuse me, I'd like to go to sleep. Beat it, dumbass."

"Hidan."

"What now?"

WHAM

Hidan didn't even have time to swear before his world went black.

--

"Urgh…" the Jashinist groaned and rolled over in the bed. Wait, bed?" HE opened his eyes and sat up. Sure enough, he was in a genuine bed, inside an unfamiliar bedroom. He was about to get up, when suddenly a familiar figure walked into the room. "So, you're finally up."

The Jashinist exploded. "Where the hell am I, what the hell did you do, and why shouldn't I kill your sorry ass for this little stunt?!" Kakuzu merely rolled his eyes; he'd been expecting this. "One, you're in my room, because two, I knocked you out and brought you here, and three, because I'm your friend." Hidan glared at him but kept quiet.

Kakuzu walked over to the bed, ignoring the death glare. "I'm glad you woke up; I was worried I hit you too hard, and-"

"KAKUZU, WHAT THE HELL?!" Hidan scrambled as far away from the banker as he could get as Kakuzu climbed into the bed. "Chill out, Hidan. This is my bed, and I'm going to sleep in it."

"Then why the hell didn't you put me on the Jashin damned couch?!"

"Because the only blanket I own is on this bed. You'll freeze to death if you sleep down there."

"Who says I'm even sleeping here, dammit?!" Hidan jumped out of the bed and stormed towards the door. "I'm going back to the park, asshole!"

"Do it and I'll tell the others what you've been doing." Hidan froze at the words. Very slowly, he turned to look at Kakuzu. "You wouldn't."

"Try me."

Hidan stood there, shaking slightly, before storming back to the bed, swearing under his breath. "I hate you, you Jashin damned prick," he muttered as he climbed into the bed.

"Yeah yeah," Kakuzu muttered, turning so his back was facing Hidan. "Good night."

"Go to hell."


	9. part 8

--three months later--

BEEP BEEP BEEP

Hidan was wondering if Jashin would accept that damnable alarm clock as a sacrifice. He reached out to smash it, as usual. Kakuzu's hand reached over his and shut it off, pulling his hand away from the poor defenseless clock. As usual.

"Hidan, we have to get up for school." The Jashinist groaned and buried himself under the covers. "Hidan, come on. Wasted time is wasted money."

"I don't give a damn. I'm skipping. Let me sleep, dumbass." Hidan groaned again as he felt the covers yanked off of him. "No you're not. Now get up."

"Or what?" he regretted asking that instantly.

Kakuzu walked over to the bed, picked up the smaller teen like a sack of rocks, and walked into the bathroom. He carelessly threw the silver haired teen into the shower, and turn the water on full blast.

"AAAAAAHHH!! JASHIN DAMMIT, THAT'S COLD!"

"Wash up; we live in fifteen minutes," Kakuzu stated as he walked out the door, leaving the Jashinist to undress and swear to high heaven.

--

"Wow Hidan, you haven't missed a day in months, un!" Deidara grinned evilly and walked closer. "Are you turning into a good boy, un?" he asked teasingly, laughing.

"Shut the hell up, blondie," Hidan muttered, focusing all his attention on trying to set Kakuzu on fire with his glare. The banker ignored this and began walking towards the building. "Come on. We're going to be late."

--

The Akatsuki didn't realize it, but as they walked into the school, they were being watched. Tsunade stood in her office, looking out the window, particularly at Hidan and Kakuzu. She smiled to herself. "I guess my plan worked out all right."

"Hmm? What plan?" Shizune had walked into the office at that moment, delivering Tsunade's reports.

"Well, I guess I can tell you." Tsunade walked over to her desk and sat down. "But first, I need you to bring me Hidan and Kakuzu's files." Shizune walked out of the room and returned a few minutes later with the manila folders. "I still don't know what your plan was, Tsunade."

"Ok, I'll explain. This one,"-she held up one folder- "is Hidan's permanent record." She flipped it open. "It's full of disciple notices, detentions, all that. You name it, he's done it. Not to mention he has more days missed than Sasori, Deidara, Kisame, and Itachi combined."

"Now this one"-she held up the other folder-"belongs to Kakuzu." She opened it for Shizune to see. "No discipline problems, all A's, and a quiet kid overall." She smirked. "Notice anything yet?"

"Yeah. These two are pretty much polar opposites."

Tsunade nodded. "Precisely. Even when it comes to things not always noticed by people who read these files. Shizune, Hidan may single-handedly be the worst punk/delinquent/abomination to society this world has ever seen, but he's always been able to make friends and keep them." She frowned as her eyes drifted towards Kakuzu's file. "This one, on the other hand, was a perfect student with almost no social life. And then last year…"

"Yes?"

"His parents died in a car wreck. Worse yet, he was in the car without a seatbelt on, and went flying through the window. He got cut up pretty badly, and ended up with stitches all over. According to his counselor from the last school, he dropped any social life he had and became a disgruntled recluse. He got tired of people pitying him, and that's the main reason he moved to this town in the first place."

"That's sad." Shizune shot Tsunade a confused look. "But I still don't get it; what's this plan you were talking about?"

"I gave them the exact same schedule this year."

"Are you serious?!"

"Come on, Shizune. Did you actually think they just happened to get the same classes?"Tsunade smiled. "I figured that if they were together all day, they'd have to interact at some point. And I was right." She removed several papers from Hidan's file. "Shizune, look at this. Up until now, Hidan's had D's and F's in everything but P.E., and the worst attendance on record." She handed one of the papers to Shizune. "That's from this year. Since Kakuzu came, I should say."

The secretary's eyes scanned the paper, before widening drastically. "No way."

The principal nodded. "His grades are mostly C's, and he hasn't missed a day of school in months." She smiled again. "That Kakuzu's a good influence on him. And the best part is, Kakuzu's gotten a few friends now."

"That's probably the best plan you've ever come up with."

"Yup."

--

BOOOOOOOOOOOOM

"WHAT THE HELL?!" Hidan yelled and shot up in the bed, eyes turned toward the door. Kakuzu merely groaned and sat up. "Hidan, what did you do this time?"

"It wasn't me, dammit! Some asshole just blew up some crap downstairs, and-" his eyes widened and he smacked himself. "Dammit, I forgot."

"Hmm? Forgot what?"

The door burst opento reveal a smiling blonde. "Good morning Kakuzu, un!" Deidara looked at the bed and realized that Hidan was there as well. "Hi Hidan! Guess what today is, un!!"

"What?" the Jashinist wasn't the only one who wanted an answer.

"Brat, are you up there?" a red head walked into the room. "Oh, hello Hidan."

"Hey," the Jashinist answered, waving.

"Come on, let's go, un!" Deidara began rummaging through Kakuzu's closet while Sasori grabbed Hidan and Kakuzu, dragging them out of the house and into a car. Kisame and Itachi were sitting in the back, and Konan and Pein were riding in the front. "Someone mind telling me what's going on?" the banker asked, looking around at his friends.

"We're back, un!" Deidara called out cheerfully, climbing into the back of the car with several bags that Kakuzu recognized as his own. Sasori climbed in behind Deidara, sitting next to Hidan and slamming the door shut. "Drive," He ordered, and Pein took off.

"Kakuzu, I grabbed everything you'll need! And by the way, your house is scary clean, un," Deidara stated, smiling.

"Need for what?"

"AWOL Akatsuki day, un!" Deidara called out cheerfully. Kakuzu turned to Hidan for an explanation. "It's a crappy holiday Pein, Konan, and Deidara came up with. Every year, those three randomly pick a day in the spring, and we skip school just for the hell of it."

"And this year, we're going to the beach," Konan added.

"Kisame, move your ass," Sasori grumbled.

"There's no more room."

"Then put Itachi on your lap!"

"I'll give you my seat if I can sit on your lap, danna."

"Down girl."

"HEY!"

"Calm down, I'll sit on Kisame's lap."

"No sex in the back seat!" Pein yelled.

"Dammit." Kisame growled and pulled Itachi closer to him.

"Danna, are we there yet?"

"No."

"Did anyone pack the damn chips?"

"I knew we were forgetting something!" Konan cried out, slapping her forehead.

"Are we there yet, un?"

"NO."

"Hidan, where is the beach, anyway?" Kakuzu asked.

"How the hell should I know?"

"Did you pack soda?" Pein asked.

"No."

"Danna, are we there yet?"

"NO!"

"WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT SEX IN THE BACK SEAT?!"

"Crap."

--  
The Akatsuki quickly piled out of the car and stretched their sore limbs, looking around. The beach was surprisingly warm, and because school was still in session not too many people were around. The group found a beach house and quickly changed into their clothes that Deidara had been courteous enough to grab when he'd broken into their houses to get them up. They were able to find a spot on the beach and soon had their things set up for easy access later. "I'm gonna go swimming, un!"

"Deidara." The blonde stopped in his tracks. "Did you put on sunscreen, brat?"

"…….Maybe, un."

"That's a no. Now get over here." Deidara grumbled and shuffled over to the puppet master. "Why bother, un? I can't get my back."

"Sit down, I'll get it." Deidara sat down on the blanket, his back facing Sasori. Kakuzu noticed the trademark grin on the blonde's face. "Smart bastard, isn't he?" Hidan muttered, and Kakuzu had to agree.

Kisame was already swimming around, and as soon as Sasori allowed him to Deidara jumped in as well. Kakuzu decided to join the fun while Hidan stretched out on the beach, sunning himself. Konan and Pein were off on their own, working on a paper that was due the next day. Sasori pulled a puppet out of his bag and began working on it, looking up every now and then to watch the others. Itachi began reading.

Kisame swam to shore and climbed out of the water, walking over to Itachi. "Come on, Itachi, swim!"

"No, and you're dripping on my book. Now go away."

"Aww, someone's a grumpy little weasel." An idea suddenly popped into Kisame's head. Grinning evilly, he tossed aside Itachi's book, scooped up the Uchiha, and ran towards the ocean. Itachi barely had time to open his mouth in protest before Kisame jumped into the salt water, drenching them both.

They surfaced at the same time. Kisame laughed as Itachi glared up at him with red eyes, looking very much like a drowned weasel. **"No. Sex. For. A. MONTH!!"** he hissed, trudging towards shore.

"Aww, be reasonable Ita-chan!" Kisame whined, following after his lover. And then, the most unbelievable thing happened.

Itachi turned around, smirked, and pounced on Kisame, knocking them backwards into the ocean.

Hidan laughed from the safety of the shore, while Sasori merely shook his head, still working on his puppet. "Hidan, why don't you go swimming?"

The Jashinist stopped laughing immediately. "You know why," he muttered.

"But Kakuzu's there. You'll be fine."

"What the hell does he have to do with this?!"

Sasori rolled his eyes. "Hidan, you've followed him around since he got here, you walked him home for the longest time, and now you two are shacking up."

"WE ARE NOT, JASHIN DAMMIT!"

"But you are living together." Hidan didn't have an answer for that. Just then, Kakuzu walked over. Hidan couldn't help but widen his eyes. "Dude, what the hell happened to you?!"

Multiple scars covered Kakuzu's torso and shoulders, marring his body.

Kakuzu stopped in front of the two teens. "There was a car wreck. That a problem?"

"Hell no. But, whoa….I think I'm jealous."

Kakuzu stared. "You're what?"

"Jealous, dammit! I mean, those cuts had to hurt like a bitch! Do you have any idea what I'd do to get that kind of pain?"

Kakuzu stared down at the Jashinist, completely dumbfounded. Suddenly he bent down and picked up Hidan, bridal style. The Jashinist's eyes widened as they walked towards the sea. "Kakuzu, what the hell are you doing?"

"The heat's clearly gotten to your head. I'm gonna help you cool down."

"Kakuzu stop, dammit!" Hidan was struggling desperately, but the banker didn't notice.

SPLASH

"It's not so bad, is it?" the banker asked his dripping friend.

Hidan floundered in the water before jumping on Kakuzu, clinging to his friend for dear life. "Jashin dammit," he whispered, shaking, eyes wide.

Kakuzu looked down at his friend, a curious look on his face. "Hidan, what the hell?"

"I can't swim."

For the second time in a short while, Kakuzu went into shock. "What?"

"I can't swim, you asshole!" Hidan glared up at the larger man. "Why the hell did you think I was on the damn beach the whole time, dumbass?!"

"So you really can't swim?"

"Ask me that one more time, and I'll break your Jashin-damned neck," Hidan hissed.

"I can teach you."

"I'm not sticking around for some crappy swimming lessons!"

"I'm not taking you back to shore until you know how to swim. And you're too scared to head back on your own."

"That's blackmail!"

"I prefer the term persuasive negotiation."

Hidan glared daggers at the larger man. "I hate you."

"Uh-huh. Now let's start."

--

Pein and Konan watched the group from where they sat. Kisame and Itachi were still playing in the water, Kakuzu was trying to pry Hidan off of him, and Sasori was explaining to a sulking Deidara why he had to wait half an hour after eating to go back into the ocean. "You know, we're probably in control of the biggest group of psychos this world has ever seen," Konan commented thoughtfully.

"When have we ever been in control of these people?" Pein asked, frowning as he realized he'd written the entire paragraph incorrectly.

"Ok, we're responsible for the biggest group of psychos this world has ever seen," Konan replied, laughing. She moved closer to her boyfriend and gave him a peck on the cheek, making him smile in spite of his frustration. "Too bad Zetsu and Tobi aren't here."

"That's a bad thing?"

"Yes it is. I wonder how they're doing right now."

--Somewhere in the Himalayas--

**"Dammit, what are we doing out here?!** Settle down, it's lovely out here. **It's cold as hell!** Hell isn't cold." Tanya continued to argue with herself as they hiked up the mountain trail.

"**Listen to her and shut up!** Don't tell her to shut up! **Or what?!** Never mind, just behave." Zetsu wasn't any happier about being out here than Tanya was. Unfortunately, they had to hike around in the cold. Why? Take a wild guess.

Yup, Tobi had gone missing. AGAIN.

"TOBI, WHERE ARE YOU?!**Next time the brat goes missing, we leave him to fend for himself."**

"Agreed." Neither light side argued that point; it was too cold, and they were getting pissed.

The temperature dropped further, and it began to snow. The snow fell faster, the wind picked up. "We need to find shelter," Zetsu stated plainly.

"**Because of a crappy snowstorm?"**

He shook his head. "No. A blizzard."

Shelter became their immediate priority. It was Tanya who finally provided salvation in the form of a cave in the side of a mountain. The cave had a wide mouth, and was fairly deep. The two quickly walked inside, grateful for the shelter. **"Dammit, we need firewood!" **Zetsu grumbled.

"Wishful thinking won't help us much," Tanya whispered quietly, shivering. Zetsu sat down next to her, grumbling. "Now what?"

"We wait the storm out," she answered. Zetsu looked his female companion up and down. She was curled up into a ball, her entire body shaking from the cold. He sighed and slid his coat off, wrapping it around Tanya. The schizophrenic woman shot him a confused look. "You need it more than me."

"……Thanks." They sat there in silence for a while, leaning against each other, sharing body heat. For a time, all was peaceful.

"ZETSU, TANYA!!" The schizos sighed simultaneously. Of all the caves in all the Himalayas, Tobi would obviously have to be trapped in this one. Zetsu found both halves of him wishing desperately to find whatever higher being was in control of this world and strangle them with their own intestines.

"What is it, Tobi? **And where the hell have you been?"** Tanya called out.

"In here! Lookie what I found." Tanya and Zetsu got up and walked deeper into the cave. They rounded a bend and stopped short.

Tobi was sitting next to a giant, white monster. It appeared to be asleep, but with its long claws, pointed fangs, and huge size, sleeping didn't make it seem any less threatening.

"Tobi, is that an abominable snowman?" Zetsu asked.

"**Of course not, it's a yeti!** No, it has to be an abominable snowman. **Yeti!** Snowman! **YETI!**"

"Hey, are you an abominable snowman or yeti?" Tobi asked the sleeping monster, poking it. "TOBI, NO!" Zetsu hissed. Too late.

The beast woke up and looked around. "ROOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRR!!"

"And we're leaving now." Zetsu grabbed Tobi and Tanya before running for the cave entrance. **"Are you insane?! It's a freakin' blizzard out there!!"**

"ROOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAARRRRR!!"

**"…On second thought, the weather's lovely for a brisk run.**"

--

The sun was setting by the time the Akatsuki finally packed up. Kisame had managed to get sunburned and had turned a funny shade of purple. Hidan was also burnt to a crisp, but was too busy laughing at the shark to care.

"Oh my freakin' Jashin, this is hilarious!"

Kisame growled. "Shut the hell up. You got burnt worse than I did, you little zealot."

"Yeah, but I wanted this to happen." Hidan smacked his sunburn to emphasize his point. "This is gonna be hurting like hell for a week, at least."

Itachi shook his head. "Masochist. And we're going to have to alter the seating arrangement; I don't think I can sit on Kisame's lap now."

"I'll sit on danna's, un!"

"Absolutely not."

Deidara's eyes got teary. "Please, Sasori danna?" he asked, a pitiful look on his face.

"Hast thou no heart, Sasori?" Konan asked.

"Grr, fine. But if you try anything funny, brat, I'm opening the car door and dumping you on the interstate." Deidara nodded and allowed Sasori to climb in before clambering onto the red head's lap. Itachi slid into the back with the artists, while Kisame, Hidan, and Kakuzu sat in the middle seats.

The car ride home was peaceful. Itachi, Sasori, and Deidara fell asleep after ten minutes of driving, and Kisame and Hidan soon followed suite. Kakuzu stared blankly out the window, not really focusing on anything. He started as he felt a pressure applied to his arm. He twisted his head and looked down.

Hidan leaning against his arm, sleeping.

Kakuzu was tempted to push the Jashinist away, but decided against it. It wasn't like Hidan was hurting him or anything, and if he woke the zealot up, the guy would only end up yelling and waking everyone else in the car.

Besides, it felt nice to have Hidan sleeping against him.


	10. part 9

A few days later, Deidara didn't show up for school. "Any idea where he is?" Kisame asked Sasori.

The puppet master shook his head. "No." He sighed, a worried look spreading across his face. "This isn't good…"

Kakuzu and Hidan were standing off to the side. The banker looked to his friend for an explanation. "Usually, if Deidara doesn't show up for school….it's because he can't come."

"As in?"

"As in his fucking old man beat the shit out of him, so he probably can't even move right now." The bell rang, silencing any further conversation. Kakuzu was glad spring fever was overtaking the school; he couldn't concentrate at all. None of the Akatsuki could.

The door to the apartment creaked open. Deidara stood there, breathing heavily, his clothing torn and hair a mess. There was caked blood along his hairline, and a cut on his cheek. "Danna," he whispered. The red head rushed to his side, ushering the blonde into the bathroom. Kisame growled. "Dammit, we have to do something!"

"What the hell do you suggest?" Pein asked. "Deidara's a minor, remember? His dad is in complete control."

"Shut up," Hidan whispered, frowning.

"But still, we have to do something!" Konan cried, ignoring Hidan. Next to Sasori, she probably hurt the most when Deidara was beaten. "Maybe we could go to the authorities again; we're older, they might listen this time!"

"SHUT UP."

"Or we could just kill the bastard," Kakuzu stated.

"Not a bad idea," Itachi muttered.

"EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP!" All eyes turned to Hidan. "Listen," he whispered, pointing to the bathroom door.

The other Akatsuki members had been so engrossed in conversation they hadn't noticed the yelling coming from the other room.

It sounded like Sasori and Deidara were going at each other with pure malice. Suddenly, a slap was heard. The shouting stopped, and the next instant Deidara ran out of the bathroom, crying. Sasori was on his heels. "Deida-" the blonde kneed him in the stomach before running out of the apartment, leaving his friend on the floor.

Pein was the first to move, and as soon as he stepped forward the entire Akatsuki encircled the red head. "What the fuck just happened?" Hidan demanded.

"We started arguing," Sasori muttered, wincing as he got to his feet. "Things got out of hand." He couldn't look at the other Akatsuki members. "I hit him," he whispered quietly.

The silence in the room was deathly.

Hidan grabbed Sasori's collar and slammed him into a wall. "What the fuck were you thinking?!" he screamed.

The red head struggled against the Jashinist. "I wasn't! I just got mad and lost it, ok?!"

"HOW THE FUCK COULD YOU EVER EVEN THINK OF HITTING HIM, YOU BASTARD?!" Sasori couldn't answer.

"Hidan, put Sasori down. You can kill him later, but right now, we absolutely have to find Deidara." All eyes turned to Itachi. "We don't know what state of mind he's in right now," the Uchiha continued, "so it's imperative we bring him back here to calm him down. Even if it means he doesn't want to be around any of us," he added, looking at Sasori.

The Akatsuki agreed and split up; Hidan, Kisame, and Kakuzu formed one group, Sasori, Konan, and Itachi formed another, and Pein was on his own in Sasori's car. It took them all of five minutes to organize things, and in the next instant they were off in search of the blonde.

--

Deidara climbed out his window as silently as he had come. The empty backpack he carried rubbed against his newest injuries, making him wince. "I won't have to worry about this much longer, un," he said to himself, walking away from his house for the last time.

--

"Do you have any idea of where he'd go?" Kakuzu asked the others.

"Hell no."

"Let's check the park," Kisame suggested.

"I can't believe you slapped him, Sasori!" Konan yelled at the red head as they ran up and down the streets. "If anything's happened to him, I'll kill you!"

"Settle down, our goal right now is finding Deidara, not murder," Itachi reminded them. Sasori hadn't spoken at all since they'd left the apartment. The fight between the artists was replaying itself over and over again in his head….

"_Bastard did a number on me, un," Deidara muttered as he walked over and sat down on the toilet seat. Sasori grabbed a hand towel from under the sink and ran cold water over it. Once it was soaked through, he rung it out. "We need to get some of this blood off of you," he said, walking over to Deidara and kneeling down in front of the blonde._

_Deidara sighed as the cool cloth brush over his face, cleaning away some of the blood. "What happened this time?"_

"_Asshole came home drunk last night, and I couldn't get to my room soon enough, un." Deidara hissed as Sasori rubbed iodine on the cut on his cheek. "I woke up at the bottom of the stairs, un."_

_Sasori shook his head. "With this?" he asked, pointing to the caked on blood._

_Deidara shook his head. "Yeah. The cut's from sneaking out tonight, un."_

"_Why didn't you just wait until school tomorrow?" _

_Deidara looked at Sasori. "I wanted to see you, un."_

_Sasori rolled his eyes. "You knew I'd yell at you if you came. You should have just stayed home, brat." Deidara flinched. "I couldn't help it, un."_

_Sasori smirked. "Yes you could have, but you just didn't want to. You'd rather sneak out and get yourself killed than actually stay home and try to take care of yourself." _

_Deidara balled his hands into fists. "So I should just stay there and let him beat the shit out of me?!"_

"_No, you should move in with one of us like I've told you to do so many times, brat."_

"_Stop calling me brat! And I can take care of myself, un."_

"_No you can't!" Sasori was yelling by now. "If you could, you wouldn't always end up like this, and I wouldn't always have to clean you up!"_

"_If it's such a pain, danna, than stop taking care of me, un!" Deidara was on his feet and yelling just as loudly as Sasori, if not louder._

"_Brilliant plan, brat. Except that if that happened, you'd end up dead! I have to take care of you, and that's all there is to it!"_

_Deidara felt tears rise to his eyes. "So what, I'm nothing but a burden to you?!"_

_Sasori growled and threw his hands up into the air. "Forget it, you're impossible."_

"_At least I've got a heart, un! You're no different from those fucking puppets you always work on, danna, and they're all you're ever going to have in life, un!"_

_SLAP_

_Deidara's eyes widened and he stumbled back from the force of the blow. Tears ran down his cheeks, and he gave a small sob before running out of the room._

"_Deidara, please forgive me,"_ Sasori thought as he ran down the streets, calling for his best friend.

--

"The river looks lovely at night," Deidara thought as he walked down to the banks of the water. He set the bag on the ground and unzipped it, kneeling down and putting rocks in it. _"How blonde am I?"_ He thought bitterly. _"How could I not have realized how much I was hurting Sasori?"_ His hands were shaking, and the rock he was holding fell from his hands as fresh tears ran down his face. _"Why did it take so long for me to figure out he hates me?" _

He picked his bag up and held it for a moment. It felt pretty heavy, in his opinion. "I hope it's enough, un."

--

"Dammit, he's not here," Kisame grumbled, pacing the park. Hidan was tapping his foot impatiently, and Kakuzu was leaning against a tree, thinking. A thought came to him, and as much as he wanted to push it away, he knew he had to say something. "We're going about this all wrong."

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Hidan growled.

"We're checking everywhere Deidara hangs out when he's happy or mad. Sasori's his best friend, and he feels betrayed right now….heartbroken, even." Kakuzu sighed. "I think Deidara might try to kill himself." Kisame froze in his tracks, and Hidan's eyes widened. "I'm not saying that's what's happening now, but if Deidara were to try that, where would he go?"

Hidan rubbed his head, and snapped his head up. "The bridge." The trio took off.

--

Deidara walked along the bridge's walkway, running his hand fondly along the handrail. _"Danna told me not to jump off, un. I guess he knew he'd have to take care of me if I got hurt." _He sighed as he shifted the bag to a more comfortable position on his back, before climbing over the railing and looking down into the water. "I'm sorry I was such a burden, Sasori. This is my father's fault for beating me, but I still made you take care of me. And besides that, even though you told me over and over again you were straight, I pushed myself on you, un." Deidara was leaning forward now, the only thing preventing his fall the firm grip his hands had on the railing.

Kisame, Hidan, and Kakuzu ran along the river line, not bothering to take the time to climb up the bank and get onto the road. The bridge was in sight now, and as they got closer, the group saw a person on the edge. To their dismay, they realized it was their blonde friend. "DEIDARA!!" Hidan screamed.

"Goodbye Sasori danna. Please forgive me." Deidara took a deep breath and shut his eyes before jumping.

The trio watched in horror as Deidara silently fell through the air before plunging into the water.

"SHIT!" Hidan yelled. Kisame kicked off his shoes and jacket, before diving into the water. Kakuzu and Hidan were left to helplessly watch and wait.

Kisame swam through the water, swearing because of the dark and pollution in the water. His lungs needed air, but if he went up no he'd lose any chance of finding the sculptor. He reached out blindly through the water, grabbing nothing. Finally his lungs couldn't take it, and he tilted towards the surface, kicking up. As he did so, something brushed his feet. Hmm?

He surfaced and took a quick breath before diving straight back down.

The shark reached out again and felt the same something. It was definitely hair.

He grabbed it and pulled it up. It was long, and he could feel a ponytail on top of the person's head. _"Thank god Deidara never cut his hair."_ Kisame wrapped his arm around Deidara's waist and swam to the surface.

As soon as he broke the surface he began swimming towards shore. "I GOT HIM!!" he yelled. He reached the edge of the water and handed Deidara up to his friends before pulling himself out of the water and collapsing, gasping for air.

"What the fuck's in that shitty bag?" Hidan muttered, dropping the backpack beside his friends. He looked closer at Deidara, and his eyes widened. "Shit, he's not breathing!" He set the artist down and tilted his head back, giving the teen CPR. Deidara coughed and hacked up some water before passing out. "Where'd you learn that?" Kakuzu asked.

"Stayed at the fucking YMCA for about a month. Some bitch thought I was there for the damn CPR class and made me sit through the whole fucking thing. Now what the fuck's in the bag?"

Kakuzu unzipped hit. His heart sank. "Rocks. He wanted it to drag him to the bottom of the river. I was right" Hidan swore loudly, as Kisame's cell phone began to ring. Hidan ran over to the shark's jacket and pulled it out. "Hello?"

"Hidan, go up to the street, reception sucks down here," Kisame gasped.

--

"Hidan, where are you guys!? Please tell me you found Deidara, and that he's ok!" Konan's voice pleaded through the phone.

--

"Deidara's not fucking ok!" Hidan screamed.

--

"Hmm? What did he say?" Itachi asked.

"I don't know, he's breaking up pretty badly," Konan admitted. "I'll put it on speaker phone and see if that helps."

"….not……..ok……."

Sasori paled. "What happened?!" he yelled into the phone.

--

"Huh?!" Hidan could barely hear through all the static.

--

"WHAT HAPPENED TO DEIDARA?!" Konan screeched.

--

"Deidara just jumped off the fucking bridge! He almost fucking killed himself!"

--

"Deidara……….bridge………..killed……………..self……….."

"No," Itachi whispered. Konan was shaking. "Hidan, tell me we heard wrong! Hidan?! HIDAN!!"

--

"Shit, the connection went dead!" Hidan yelled, slamming the phone into the ground.

--

Konan was crying, and Itachi was shaking. "Deidara's…..gone?" the two turned to Sasori at the sound of his voice.

The red head was deathly pale, and his face was as blank as his puppets'. He turned around and ran off into the night, and neither Itachi nor Konan had the speed to catch him.


	11. part 10

"Aww Hidan, you broke my phone!" Kisame whined, picking up the poor electronic.

"As soon as your Jashin damned phone becomes our damn priority, I'll let you know," Hidan growled. Kakuzu carefully picked up Deidara. "Come on, we need to get him back home." The others nodded, and the group began walking back to the apartment. Once they arrived they immediately set Deidara on the couch. Kakuzu had the most medical knowledge next to the absent red head, and quickly looked Deidara over. "He's fine. He'll just need some rest."

There was peace for all of ten minutes before Konan and Itachi walked inside, looking extremely distressed. Konan saw Deidara and screamed, running over to the couch and squeezing the blonde tightly to her chest. "Oh thank god you're ok Deidara!" she cried, tears dripping down her face.

Kisame looked at Itachi. "Where's Sasori?"

"He ran off when we got the call. The signal was pretty choppy; from what we heard, Deidara jumped off a bridge and killed himself."

Hidan shook his head. "Damn that phone, I said Deidara fucking jumped and tried to kill himself." He looked at Itachi. "Any idea where the hell he is?"

"No, but I don't think we should send out yet another search party." Itachi turned to Konan. "Would you mind tearing yourself away from him long enough to call Pein and explain the current situation to him?"

Konan nodded. "Yeah." She set the half-conscious Deidara back down on the couch and stepped into the kitchen, dialing the apartment phone. It rang a few times before her boyfriend finally picked up. "Hello?"

"Pein, it's me."

"Konan, have you guys found him yet?!"

"Don't worry about Deidara anymore, Sasori's our priority now. He got really shook up and ran off, and we have no idea where he's gone. We're all here in the apartment waiting for you two; do you have any idea where he'd go?"

Pein thought for a moment. "Yes I do. Konan, we'll be there in twenty minutes or less." And with that he hung up.

--

Pein pulled up to Deidara's house. He wasn't surprised to find the door open and quickly rushed inside. He heard grunts and crashes. When he got into the kitchen, he saw Sasori beating a middle aged man in the face. The whole room was a mess, and the guy was barely fighting back. "Sasori, get off him!" Pein ran forward and grabbed the red head's arm.

He got punched in the stomach for his interference. "Stay out of this," the puppeteer growled, resuming the beating already in progress.

This time Pein grabbed both arms and yanked Sasori up, pinning his hands to the sides. "Sasori, you have to stop! You wanna get charged with murder?!" he asked the struggling red head.

"I don't care! Give me one goddamn reason to stop!" Sasori screamed, stomping his foot down on the man's stomach.

"Because killing his dad won't bring Deidara back!"

The red head froze. Neither Akatsuki could speak for a moment. "What, then?"

"Hmm?"

"What the hell am I supposed to do then?" Sasori whispered, body going limp as the fight left him. "We're the reason he's dead. This bastard deserves to die. And I deserve to be locked up for the rest of my fucking existence." A few tears ran down the red head's face.

"Sasori, we have to go." Pein ushered the teen out of the room, ten turned to the man. He walked over and kneeled down, grabbing the bastard's collar and bring their faces close. "If you utter one word of this or ever giver the Akatsuki trouble again, there's gonna be several more guys here to give you a beating, and I won't stop them." He released the clothing and followed his friend out the door.

Sasori was sitting in the front of the car when he arrived. Pein opened the driver's door and climbed in, starting the engine in silence.

Neither man spoke for a while. "Pein?"

"Yeah?"

Sasori stared out the side window. "How would you feel…if Konan died?"

"I'd feel nothing."

Sasori started and turned to his friend. "WHAT?! I thought you loved her! How can you-"

"Sasori, Konan is my whole world. She's why I can be happy, sad; anything and everything. If I lost her, I'd feel nothing anymore. My entire existence would be numb." He glanced at his friend. "Why do you ask?"

"No reason."

--

"Mmmm…." Deidara frowned and slowly opened his eyes, blinking. "Where am I, un?"

"Back at the base," Kakuzu answered. Hidan called out, "Hey, he's up, assholes!" Instantly Deidara was surrounded by everyone else. "Deidara, are you ok?!"

"What the hell were you thinking?!"

"Do you have any idea how worried we were?!" the blonde was assaulted by question after question, an occasional hug thrown in here and there. The group was so busy that they didn't notice the door open, or the two men step inside the apartment. "We're back," Pein finally shouted.

Instantly the Akatsuki became silent, Konan rushing over to her friend and boyfriend. "Thank god you're ok, Sasori! Hmm? Sasori?" but she may as well have stayed silent.

The red head had seen Deidara.

The puppet master's eyes were wide, and he couldn't move. He opened his mouth and silently whispered the sculptor's name in disbelief. The next instant he was across the room, holding Deidara to his chest, tears running down his face. "You're ok…" he pulled away and grasped the sculptor's shoulders, staring him in the eye. "DON'T YOU EVER PULL A STUNT LIKE THAT AGAIN!!" He wrapped his arms around Deidara again and buried his face in the sculptor's neck. "Dammit Deidara, I thought I'd lost you," he muttered, crying into his partner.

Deidara gently reached up and pulled his friend away from him. "Sasori, I-danna, what happened to you, un?!"

Pein had failed to notice, but the red head wasn't in the best of shape. His shirt was torn, his arm was bleeding, and there was dried blood going down the side of his face.

Sasori reached up and laughed quietly. "Your old man got a few shots at me."

Deidara's eyes widened. "My dad!?"

"Yeah, but I beat the crap out of him. He'll be lucky to get out of the ICU at the hospital in a few weeks."

Deidara began to shake. "Great, he'll kill me for sure when he gets home, un!"

"What the hell makes you think I'm letting you go back there?" Sasori demanded, hugging Deidara again. "You'll be lucky if I ever let you out of my sight again. You're coming home with me."

"No!" Deidara pulled away and wrapped his arms around his head, curling up in a ball. "I'm not gonna be a burden, un!"

"Huh?" Sasori raised a brow. "When did I-" he suddenly paused and looked around at the other Akatsuki. "Konan, Pein, may we borrow your room?"

"What? Um, sure…the door's open," Pein answered, pointing towards his room.

"Thank you." Sasori stood up and picked up Deidara, carrying him bridal style to the room.

"Danna?"

"You and I need to talk," was all Sasori said as he shut the door.

The puppet master carried Deidara over to the bed and sat down, holding the blonde on his lap. "Now, what's this about being a burden?"

Deidara wouldn't look into his eyes. "Just forget it, danna." He tried to stand, but Sasori's arms were firmly around his waist. "Sasori danna, let me go, un."

"No."

"Let me go, un!" Deidara began pulling harder, but Sasori wasn't about to let him go.

"Deidara." The blonde stopped moving; Sasori's tone wasn't short or angry like he expected it to be, but somewhat sad and comforting. "Deidara, we need to talk. I am not letting go until we do. You are not leaving this apartment….this room….my lap….until you explain why you think you're a burden." Deidara sat down but kept silent. Five minutes passed.

Then ten.

Then fifteen.

Finally, as they were approaching the twenty minute mark, Deidara sighed. "You wouldn't be asking me to move in if you weren't feeling guilty, danna. You think I'm a burden; you practically said so earlier, un."

Sasori thought for a moment. "Deidara, do you remember exactly what I said?"

"You said you have to take care of me, I asked if that made me a burden, and you called me impossible." Tears welled up in Deidara's eyes as he recalled their fight.

Sasori reached up and brushed the tears away. "Deidara, I don't think you're a burden. I was just thinking about taking care of you; about how much I love it, and how much I hate myself for it."

Deidara's eyes widened. "Wha-"

"Deidara, I love being that one that fixes you, the one that makes you feel better; the person who makes you smile after you've been hurt." The red head frowned. "But it's gotten to the point where I'm almost happy that you end up hurt, because then I can make you happy. It makes me sick how selfish I can be."

Deidara blinked thoughtfully, not sure how to respond. He settled for resting his head in the crook of Sasori's neck. "Danna, why did you hurt my father, un?"

"I thought you were dead. We misheard the phone call Hidan sent us, and it sounded like you'd killed yourself." Sasori sighed, rubbing his cheek against Deidara's head. "So I just ran off to kill him."

Deidara jerked away, eyes wide with fear. "But you would've gotten jailed, danna!" Fresh tears came to his eyes. "You could have thrown away your entire life, un."

Sasori laughed. "What life?" He reached up and gently brushed away the tears in the sculptor's eyes. "When I heard you were dead, any and all joy disappeared from my existence. You told me I didn't have a heart; well, you were wrong, because I definitely felt it break into a million little pieces."

Deidara stared at Sasori as if seeing him for the first time. "Danna…"

"That bastard and I are the cause of all your pain. He deserved to die, and I deserved to be locked away for the rest of my life." Sasori pulled Deidara closer to himself. "I didn't want any happiness that didn't involve you, Deidara. You're the one that makes me happy, depressed, enraged, humored….you're everything to me, Deidara." He gently kissed the sculptor's forehead. "And I love you more than life itself."

Deidara stared at his beloved in disbelief. He shut his eyes, and a smile crossed his face. Without warning, he began laughing.

Sasori raised a brow. "Deidara, what's so funny?"

"If I had known that all I had to do to get you to confess your feelings was jump of a bridge, Sasori danna, I would have done that forever ago, un."

Sasori gave him an odd look before rolling his eyes and resting his forehead against Deidara's. "You're crazy, you know that?"

"But you still love me, un."

"Yes." Sasori smiled and pressed his lips to Deidara's. The blonde happily shut his eyes and returned the kiss, arms wrapping around Sasori's neck. When they broke away, the sculptor moved his lips to Sasori's ear. "Danna, may I move in with you, un?"

"Certainly, Dei-chan." Deidara giggled. "I like that name."

"Good, because that's what I'm calling you." Sasori stood hugging Deidara to him, giving the sculptor a chaste kiss. "Come on, the others probably think we've killed each other." He opened the door and the entire organization came falling through the door way. "Or not." He grabbed Deidara's hand and pulled him through the doorway. "Let's go home."

"Un."

Kakuzu and Hidan were walking home a while later. "You're being awfully quiet," Kakuzu stated thoughtfully.

Hidan turned to look at his friend. "Just thinking."

"About?"

Hidan looked away…._blushing?_ "I'm glad they had their damn happy ending, but it sucks that Deidara nearly got his ass killed before Sasori admitted his feelings. That's all."

"I see." Kakuzu chuckled. Hidan turned to his friend. "What?"

"Nothing. You just don't seem like the kind of person to think about that stuff."

Silence

"Hidan?"

"What?"

"Are you worried that's going to happen to you?"

Hidan gave a nervous laugh and looked away. "Come on, dumbass. It's not like I'll ever feel like that towards someone. And even if I did, hell will freeze over before they ever liked me, so in the damn unlikely event that that crap happens, I'm already prepared for dissapointment."

"If you say so."

"I do, Jashin dammit."

Silence

"Hidan?"

"What now, asshole?"

"Come here." The Jashinist raised a brow but obeyed the command. Kakuzu quickly wrapped his arms around the smaller man, and before Hidan could react he was trapped in a kiss.

When they broke away Hidan stared at Kakuzu, eyes wide and questioning. "Now we don't have to worry about that problem, do we?"

Hidan grinned and grabbed the banker's hand. "Nope." He started dragging his new boyfriend home.


	12. part 10b

--Somewhere over the Indian ocean--

"Zetsu, I want the window."

"**Shut the hell up!** It's Tanya's turn. **And the bitch can have it as long as she wants**!"

"**Don't call me a bitch, asshole**! That's very kind of you, Zetsu. **But make the kid shut up**!"

"Tobi, be a good boy and settle down. **Or I'll eat your peanuts**!"

The boy's eyes widened behind his mask, and he began repeatedly jabbing the call button above his head. A very tired-looking stewardess walked up. "What is it this time?" she asked, eye twitching.

"He's threatening to steal my peanuts!" Tobi cried, pointing an accusing finger at Zetsu.

"**Over my dead body!** Zetsu won't steal your peanuts, Tobi." Tanya looked at the woman in the aisle. "But may we please have some more? **Before I have to get up and take them by force**." The woman nodded nervously and inched away, thoroughly creeped out.

Zetsu stared at Tanya, who was looking peacefully out the window. When her evil side was in control, she was actually nice to be around. So calm, so thoughtful……..so pretty……

"Zetsu!"

"What now?"

"Is it Tobi's turn?"

"**Hell no!** Yes it is. **I don't wanna move**!"

"Passengers, please fasten your seatbelts, we are about to experience turbulence."

"**Oh hell no!**" Tanya stood up. "Tobi, switch with me quickly."

"But Tobi is buckled up like a good boy."

"**If Tobi doesn't do what I say, he'll be a dead boy!**"

"WAAAHHHH, Zetsu!"

"**Tobi, shut up. Tanya, sit down.**" But it was too late; the plane had already hit the turbulence.

Tanya grabbed the back of Zetsu's seat to steady herself, but to no avail. The next time the motion jerked, the woman's legs gave out, and she fell forward.

Right onto Zetsu's lips.

The stayed frozen like that, either because the motion wouldn't let them move, or because their minds had simultaneously shut down.

"Thank you for your patience; you may unfasten your safety restraints now." Both schizos were abruptly brought back to reality and blushed, Tanya quickly scrambling to her seat. The woman stared blankly out the window, and Zetsu had no idea what to do. He felt a tug on his sleeve. "Zetsu, I want the window seat."

"**Shut up and eat your peanuts**."

"Passengers, please fasten your seatbelts, we are about to experience turbulence."

"**Oh hell no!**" Tanya stood up. "Tobi, switch with me quickly."

"But Tobi is buckled up like a good boy."

"**If Tobi doesn't do what I say, he'll be a dead boy!"**

"WAAAHHHH, Zetsu!"

"**Tobi, shut up. Tanya, sit down**." But it was too late; the plane had already hit the turbulence.

Tanya grabbed the back of Zetsu's seat to steady herself, but to no avail. The next time the motion jerked, the woman's legs gave out, and she fell forward.

Right onto Zetsu's lips.

The stayed frozen like that, either because the motion wouldn't let them move, or because their minds had simultaneously shut down.

"Thank you for your patience; you may unfasten your safety restraints now." Both schizos were abruptly brought back to reality and blushed, Tanya quickly scrambling to her seat. The woman stared blankly out the window, and Zetsu had no idea what to do. He felt a tug on his sleeve. "Zetsu, I want the window seat."

"**Shut up and eat your peanuts**."


	13. part 11

time goes on

BEEP BEEP BEEP

Hidan groaned and buried his face against Kakuzu's chest. "'Kuzu," he groaned. The banker reached over his partner and shut off the clock, before returning his arm to its previous position around Hidan's waist. "We need to get up."

"Hell no."

The banker sighed. Why did Hidan have to be so difficult? "Hidan, we have to get up now. I set the alarm late to let you sleep longer. Now get moving."

The Jashinist growled and wrapped his arms around his partner. "I don't wanna, dammit."

Kakuzu sat up, dragging his boyfriend with him. "_Now I know how Itachi feels about Kisame_. Hidan, get up or else."

"Or else what, dumbass?"

"Hidan, do you know what floor we're on?"

"The third floor, dumbass. Why?

Ten seconds later Hidan was dangling outside the window by his foot, which Kakuzu was holding in one hand. "You awake yet?" Kakuzu asked in a bored tone.

"Yes!!" Hidan's eyes were wide with fear.

"Hmm? I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you. You better speak up; my grip appears to be slipping-"

"YES, NOW PUT ME DOWN, DAMMIT!"

Kakuzu smirked. "Good." He pulled the smaller man back inside. "Now get going."

"What's for lunch, danna?" Deidara asked, peering over Sasori's shoulder.

"If you would give me a chance to dig it out, you'd see," Sasori answered, rolling his eyes. He finally found the bento and handed it to his partner, who gave the red head a quick kiss before darting up the tree with his food. Sasori merely rolled his eyes and dug out the Kakuzu puppet. It was coming along 

nicely; he only needed to finish the eyes and scars now. "I still say it's creepy how you work on that puppet crap all the time," Hidan stated from his perch. Sasori barely spared him a glance before going back to his work. Deidara looked up from his lunch and looked down at the group's banker. "Kakuzu, what time is it?"

"12:44. Why?"

"Seconds too, un."

"51. I repeat, why?"

Deidara grinned. "5, 4, 3, 2, 1…"

BOOOOOOOOOOOM

The group rolled their eyes as screams of panic were heard inside the building. "What did you blow up this time?" Itachi asked, trying to concentrate on his lunch.

"The gym, un. I just wanted to freak out the jocks before break, un."

Kisame jerked his head up. "Oh yeah, next week is spring break, isn't it?"

Hidan smirked and shook his head. "You are so damn lucky you live with the weasel." Itachi's eyes flashed red and he kicked Hidan in the side. The Jashinist flung his arms out, trying to regain his balance. He failed and toppled out of the tree.

"OOMPH!" he landed on his back. The zealot glared up at his friend. "Damn you to hell."

"You had it coming," Itachi stated, shrugging his shoulders and returning to his food.

"So what do you guys do over break?" Kakuzu asked, successfully changing the subject.

"Mostly we act like bums and hang around Pein's place. Sir Leader can usually tolerate our presence for that long," Sasori explained.

"Hey, you assholes wanna do another road trip?" Hidan asked as he sat up, wincing and rubbing his back.

"You guys can, but Deidara and I already have plans." Sasori turned the puppet over in his hands and smiled. "It's finished." Deidara and Itachi climbed down from the tree and joined the rest of the Akatsuki, who were crowding around Sasori. "Danna, take them all out, un." The red head did as instructed, dumping out his bag.

The puppets looked extremely lifelike, albeit rather cute. Kisame picked up the frowning Itachi puppet and grinned. "I hate to say it, Sasori, but you definitely messed this one up. There's no way Itachi would ever look this happy." Itachi shot his partner a look. "No sex for a week." And with that he climbed back up the tree.

"Aww, come on, Itachi!" Kisame pleaded. He'd just gotten his sex privileges reinstated.

"Beg all you want, but that puppet is the closest you're getting to me for the next seven days."

"Don't you even think about it," Sasori ordered, snatching the puppet away from the whimpering shark. "And Hidan, stop that!" The Jashinist had grabbed the Deidara and Sasori puppets. He had the Deidara one laying face-down on the ground with the Sasori puppet humping it. "What's wrong, dumbass?"

"We don't do that."

Hidan grinned widely. "Oh, so it's like this…" He quickly switched the puppets around so the mini Deidara was on top of the Sasori doll.

"Absolutely not!" Sasori snatched both puppets and shoved them inside his bag, face slightly red. Deidara chuckled and hugged Sasori. "Aww, danna doesn't want to be my uke, un."

"Shut. Up. Brat." Sasori tried to be angry at his boyfriend but failed miserably, eventually resigning himself to his usual frown and hugging the blonde. Deidara smiled and scurried back up the might oak tree, joining Itachi. "Hidan, are you coming back up, un?"

"Hell no." The Jashinist looked around, his eyes finally settling on Kakuzu. In a flash his arm jerked out and snatched a sandwich from his partner's hands. "HEY!"

"I'm hungry," Hidan stated, munching on the food. "Damn, you used too much mayo."

"That's not a good reason to take my lunch! And I happen to like mayo."

"Whatever." Hidan swallowed the last bite of the food, receiving a glare from his partner. "You could at least say thanks, ingrate."

"Thank you." The entire group froze, and Deidara fell out of the tree, landing in the safety of Sasori's arms. "What?" the banker and zealot asked.

"H-hidan…" Kisame stuttered.

"He just said thank you! Without swearing or twitching or clenching his teeth, un!" Deidara declared, eyes wide.

"The apocalypse is at hand," Itachi called out sarcastically from the tree.

"Shut the hell up, weasel."

"Hey, we need to head inside," Kakuzu stated, glancing down at his watch. The group packed up and left, minus Deidara who had to climb back up the tree to get the lunch box and Sasori who had to wait for Deidara. "Here danna!" the sculptor smiled as he handed the red head the container. Sasori took it, raised a brow, and opened the lid. "Deidara, you barely ate anything."

The blonde grinned sheepishly. "Sorry, I'm just not hungry, un."

Sasori stuffed the bento back into his bag and looked at Deidara. "Nervous?"

"Kinda, un." Concern filled Sasori's face as he slipped his arms around Deidara's waist, pulling the blonde close to himself. "Deidara, if you don't want to do this, we won't."

Deidara gave Sasori the sweetest smile the puppet master had ever seen. "Danna, I want to. But I've got a right to be nervous, don't I, un?"

"I guess." Sasori pressed his lips to Deidara and pulled away. "Time to go."

"See ya!" Hidan waved to the Pein and Konan as they headed out of the apartment. Sasori and Deidara had left immediately after school let out, and Kisame and Itachi had only been able to stay about an hour before they left for home (Kisame had finally been forgiven, so it didn't take much to imagine why they had left early). After that, it didn't take long for Pein to get annoyed and throw the remaining to teenagers out. "So, what are we gonna do, asshole?"

"I have to balance my checkbook. You can do whatever you want, as long as it's quiet."

"Tch, you're no fun." Kakuzu shrugged it off. "Hey, do you have any idea where Sasori and Deidara were heading?"

"No Jashin damned clue."

"French fries and a chocolate milk shake." Sasori stared at his boyfriend incredulously.

"Uh-huh. It's delicious, and you said I could have whatever I want, un." Deidara happily dipped a fry in the chocolate and popped it into his mouth.

"Yes, but I was hoping you'd have something more along the lines of protein." Sasori dipped a fry into the milkshake and ate it. "Not too bad."

"Told you danna," Deidara smirked, eating more fries.

"Still nervous?"

Deidara nodded. "I'm gonna be nervous until this is all over, un."

Sasori brushed his fingertips against Deidara's cheek. "I won't make you do anything you don't want to. If this bothers you that much, we can go home now."

The sculptor shook his head. "I want this more than anything else." Deidara began pouting. "But I just wish my stomach would stop doing back flips every time I think about it, un!"

Sasori smirked and grabbed another fry. "You'll be fine; just relax." He brought the fry to Deidara's lips, feeding the blonde artist. Deidara gently wrapped his lips around the fingers, cleaning off all the salt clinging to them.

"Sir, are you two doing all right?"

"Yes," Sasori answered, all his attention focused on Deidara.

"Um, sir…"

The red head sighed. Why couldn't this waitress just leave? "What is it?"

"Well, um…is it absolutely necessary for your girlfriend to eat on your lap?"

"This is my BOYfriend. And yes it is."

A few days had passed, and nothing had been heard from either Deidara or Sasori. "Jashin dammit, this is annoying!" Hidan grumbled.

"Shut up," Kakuzu ordered. Kisame and Itachi were sitting on the couch, flipping through TV channels. Being a weekday, there was, of course, absolutely nothing to watch. Pein and Konan walked into the room. "I feel like I should yell at your guys to go out and get jobs," Konan said, shaking her head.

"Hell will freeze over first." None of the others argued with that. "You'd think Deidara and Sasori would have at least sent a crappy postcard, dammit!"

"What can you expect with those two?" Pein shook his head. "Ever since that night (everyone shivered at the memory) those guys only care about each other. For all we know, they could have fallen off the face of the earth."

"This is it, un."

"Yeah."

Sasori looked Deidara up and down, as if seeing him for the first time. "You know what?"

"What?"

"You've managed to get me jittery." Deidara chuckled and kissed his danna on the cheek. "This is the last time we'll see each other before it happens, un."

"That wouldn't be the case if you weren't so hell-bent on wearing that outfit. I don't get what the big deal is."

"I told you, Sasori danna, it's bad luck, un. And I want to wear it, so that's that, un." A woman with long black hair walked in. "Come on Dei, you need to get dressed! And you have to be out of the room!" she yelled, pushing Sasori towards the door. "See ya danna!"

Sasori couldn't tear his eyes away from Deidara. He quickly leaned in to the blonde's ear. "You look gorgeous."

"You too, un."

"A week!"

"It's only been five days, Hidan."

"That's practically a week, dammit! Grr, are they ever gonna get their asses back here?"

"Hidan they still have another week before school starts up again," Itachi reminded the Jashinist. Hidan grumbled but said nothing as they approached the apartment.

When they got inside they immediately noticed two things. One; Konan looked liked she was about to faint. Two; Pein wasn't in much better shape. "I can't believe it," the leader muttered, staring at a letter in his hands.

"I can, but still…" Konan shook her head. "I'm gonna kill that blonde for not letting me help. Although he does look rather cute."

"I'm going to pretend I never heard that." The four teens walked in. "What the hell is it? Did Sasori and Deidara finally write?!"

"Oh, they wrote. You guys may want to have a seat for this." The men shrugged but did as told. Pein moved to the center of the living room and cleared his throat, before reading from the letter. "Sasori wrote this. Now then:

Dear everyone; I hope your break's going well. This is probably the last time you'll hear from us until school starts again.

You see, about a month and a half ago, I asked Deidara if he'd do something for me over summer break. Much to my delight, he agreed to it, and our plans were set."

"What was it?" Hidan interrupted.

"Shh!!"

"But," Pein continued, "it soon became apparent that neither one of us could wait that long. So, our plans were shifted around, and preparations were made for spring break. It took a lot of paperwork and many sleepless nights, but we finally got all the legal work taken care of."

"Legal work?"

"SHH!!"

"So, immediately after school let out, we headed for the airport and got on a plane to beautiful Las Vegas."

"WHAT?!"

"SHUT UP!!"

"We only needed about an hour to buy Deidara's outfit, and then we were set." Pein took a deep breath. "Guys, by the time you read this…..Deidara and I………"

"Yes?" Hidan breathed, and no one bothered to shut him up.

"…………………..Will be married."

You could have heard a pin drop. "Holy Jashin."

"There's more." Pein cleared his throat again. "After this, we're going to spend about a week in Paris. With any luck, it'll be an enjoyable trip. I've enclosed a picture of Deidara and myself. And about the outfits; Deidara insisted on it, and I couldn't say no." Konan held up the photo, and everyone gathered around to see.

Sasori was standing there, wearing a tux with a smirk on his face. Deidara was standing next to him, smiling in his wedding gown. Sasori's arm was wrapped protectively around the blonde's waist, and although Sasori's was partially hidden, you could see the wedding bands the couple now wore.

Kisame shook his head. "Damn. I knew it was going to happen, but I didn't expect it so soon."

"Why would they have run off without telling us?" Itachi wondered aloud.

"I can't believe this!" Konan cried, fuming. "Grr, I should have tied them down and forced the wedding here! I swear I'll be in charge of the next wedding if it kills me!"

The teens inched towards the door nervously. "That may have something to do with it," Kakuzu whispered.

"Ya think?"

later that night

Kakuzu sighed and rubbed his temples. He'd been working on this paperwork for the past six hours, and desperately wanted to go to sleep. Unfortunately, he knew that if he left now, it would never get finished. Sighing, he bent forward and picked up his pencil again, returning to his figures.

Soft footsteps interrupted his concentration. "Are you ever coming to bed, asshole?"

"When I finish this, and not a moment before." Hidan frowned but said nothing. Instead, he sat down in a nearby chair and stared at his partner. "You don't have to stay up," Kakuzu muttered, already turning back to his work.

"It's too cold in there by myself, you damn miser," Hidan muttered, folding his arms on the table and resting his head on them. In truth, he didn't want to sleep without the banker near him, but the odds of him admitting that were about as likely as Kakuzu admitting he liked having Hidan near him as he worked.

Neither teen spoke, and the only sound in the room was the soft scratching of Kakuzu's pencil against the paper. Hidan watched his partner intently, afraid that speaking would get him thrown out of the room. After what seemed like an eternity, the sound of writing finally ceased. "Can we go to bed now, dumbass?"

No answer.

"Hmm? Hey, dumbass, I asked you a question." He poked his friend but received no response. Frowning, he stood and walked closer to Kakuzu. "Dumbass…" he bent down, and a grin broke out on his face.

Kakuzu was asleep.

Shaking his head, he walked out of the room and into the bedroom, only to return a moment later with the blanket from their bed. "Dammit, I'm gonna freeze my ass off now," he muttered, draping the blanket around Kakuzu. He smiled and kissed the banker on the cheek. "Night, 'Kuzu." He shut off the light and stumbled to the bedroom.


	14. part 12

"Mmmm..." Kakuzu slowly opened his eyes and waited for his vision to come into focus. _"Why does my neck hurt?..." _It was around that time that he realized that he wasn't in his bed.

He sat up, popping his back and yawning. He'd fallen asleep doing paperwork. That wasn't unusual. What WAS unusual was waking up with a blanket over him. _How did that happen……_the realization suddenly clicked, and he smiled. Well well. Apparently the little Jashinist had a compassionate side.

Grabbing the blanket, he walked to their bedroom. Sure enough, Hidan was curled up in the bed, shivering beneath the thin sheets. Kakuzu threw the blanket over the bed and crawled underneath the covers, pulling Hidan close to him. "Cold?"

"What the fuck do you think?" Hidan muttered, shivering and scooting closer to his partner. Kakuzu rolled his eyes and intertwined their legs, trying to give his boyfriend as much heat as possible. "You wouldn't be cold right now if you had just gone to bed and kept the covers where they belong."

"Excuse me for acting like I fucking care about you, next time I'll just let you be the one freezing your ass off all night instead of the other fucking way around," Hidan muttered, burying his face in the crook of Kakuzu's neck.

Kakuzu gently kissed the zealot's head. "Thanks."

"Don't get fucking used to it. And you're welcome, asshole."

Silence

Kakuzu gently began running his fingers through Hidan's silver hair, making the Jashinist smile against his will. "Hey, 'Kuzu?"

"What?"

"How come you're not fucking making me get out of the damn bed?"

"I doubt you slept at all last night, so I thought we could sleep in for a little while." Hidan pulled away and looked at his partner; this was a first. After deciding that the banker wasn't kidding, he returned his head to its previous position, and Kakuzu felt a soft pair of lips press against his neck. "You're welcome," he whispered.

"What the fuck do you think Sasori and Deidara are doing now?" Hidan mumbled, eyelids drooping.

"Not sure. Why do you ask?"

"…"

"Hmm? Hidan?" Kakuzu looked down and sighed. "Of course you'd go back to sleep as soon as you got warm enough."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~The Louvre, Paris, France~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sasori and Deidara were staring at a small painting, heads cocked to the side. "I say she's smiling, un."

"And I say she's frowning."

"Why do people care? It's not like this is true art or anything, un."

"It's been preserved for hundreds of years, Dei, so it's pretty close to being true art."

"Says you, un." Deidara looked thoughtful. "I wonder what would happen if I blew that up, un…"

"Excuse me miss, but did you just threaten to destroy a national treasure?" An angry security guard walked up to the two artists, a frown across his face.

"No un!" Deidara squeaked, panicking. "I just-"

"She was just telling me how this painting looks like something blew up on it," Sasori quickly interrupted, saving Deidara and himself from certain doom.

The guard didn't look entirely convinced, but nodded and walked away. The two artists breathed a sigh of relief, and Deidara began to pout. "What is it, love?"

"You just called me a 'she', un."

Sasori chuckled and kissed Deidara gently on the cheek. "With all due respect, Dei, you asked for it this time. Just look at you."

Deidara was wearing low jeans and a tight fishnet shirt, both of which were black. Add that to his long hair and slim figure, and he looked every inch a girl.

Deidara hmmphed. "That's no excuse, un." He grabbed Sasori's hand and began pulling him down the hall. "I wanna eat, un!"

"Deidara, we just got here!"

"If nothing's going to explode, we're wasting our time, un."

"Deidara…"

Deidara turned and gave Sasori his chibi-ish uke look. "Please, danna?"

Sasori felt all will power within him disappear. Dammit, the brat had him wrapped around his little finger! "Alright, but you better eat something besides junk food."

"Thank you danna, un!"

"Will you quit calling me danna?"

"No, Sasori danna." Sasori smiled. He was never going to be rid of that nickname, and they both knew it.

Upon arriving at the restaurant, the artists began talking about the Louvre, which inevitably led to an argument about their art. "Art is a brief blast, un!"

Sasori shook his head. "How can anything brief be considered art? Art is eternal, and that's all there is to it."

"Art isn't meant to last forever, un!"

"Yes it is!"

"No it's not, un!"

"Excuse me, but may I take your orders?" a smiling waitress asked.

"Art is instantaneous!"

"No, it lasts forever!"

"Sirs?"

"Just bring us anything," Sasori muttered absently, returning immediately to his argument. The waitress shrugged and walked off, returning ten minutes later with two steaming plates of food, only to find the artists still arguing. She set the plates down and backed off, waiting to see if they enjoyed the food.

Deidara finally looked down and noticed the cuisine, halting the fight long enough to eat some of the food. Sasori mirrored his actions and began eating. "This is pretty good," he said quietly.

"Yeah, but my food tastes kinda funny, un." Deidara turned to the waitress. "What exactly did you bring us, un?"

"You have es cargo, and your friend is eating cuisses de grenouilles."

"Huh?" Deidara turned to the red head. "Danna, do you speak French, un?"

"Not a word." The sculptor looked back at the waitress. "Would you mind translating?"

She thought for a moment. "I believe you refer to the dishes as snails and frog legs." The artists began choking, and Sasori quickly slapped some money down on the table before dragging Deidara out of the café.

"**This** looks safe," Sasori muttered, handing the ice cream to Deidara. They'd managed to find another café (for some inexplicable reason, Deidara was still hungry) and ordered dessert. Sasori watched as Deidara began eating his treat. Suddenly, he felt his body heat up as Deidara's tongue flicked out, lapping at the sweet treat. He couldn't keep his mind from wondering what would happen if that tongue were put to better use…"Dei, can I have some?"

"No, mine, un!"

Sasori frowned. "Brat." He thought for a moment, and an idea came to him. Smiling evilly, he grabbed Deidara's chair and pulled it close to his own, before grabbing the blonde and moving him into the puppet master's lap. "Do you know what a messy eater you are?"

"_Hmm?_ Danna, what are you…" Deidara's voice disappeared as Sasori's tongue flicked out, licking his cheek. He blushed, making the red head chuckle as he licked the ice cream cone. "Danna, that's-" another sweep of the tongue across his cheek and lips silenced him.

Sasori alternated between the ice cream and Deidara, as if unable to decide which taste he liked better. When the dessert was gone and Deidara's face had been licked clean, he ran his tongue over the blonde's lips, eventually gaining entrance and exploring the blonde's moist cavern. Deidara pulled away, blushing madly. "Not in public, un!" he hissed.

Sasori rolled his eyes. "I can't French kiss my one true love in Paris. What's the world coming to?"

"An end." Deidara slid off Sasori's lap. "Can we go back to the room, un?"

"Sure."

Deidara was stretched out on the bed he and Sasori shared. The red head was taking a shower, having been kind enough to let Deidara go first.

The blonde couldn't help look around the room. He'd never been in a hotel before, and this place was beautiful. He was grateful he'd been able to talk Sasori into coming here; anything fancier would have made them both uncomfortable.

Still, Deidara had nearly fainted when he saw how much the room would cost, never mind the plane tickets and vacation. It was a good thing Sasori's parent's had had all that life insurance, or they'd never have been able to come.

_"He wouldn't let me pay for anything. Not that I could have given him much money,"_ Deidara thought, eyes traveling to his wedding band. He smiled as he fingered the ring. He didn't have an engagement ring, mainly because of how Sasori had proposed…

_Deidara was lying in bed, head pressed against Sasori's chest. He could tell from the heart beat and breathing pattern that the red head was still awake. "Danna, why aren't you asleep, un?"_

_The red head's pulse quickened; he must have thought his boyfriend was asleep. "I was just watching you sleep," he whispered._

"_And?"_

_The red head sighed and hugged Deidara tightly. "You're much smarter than people give you credit for, you know?"_

"_Yes, and you're avoiding the subject, un."_

_Sasori nuzzled Deidara affectionately. "I've just been thinking. Deidara, you know that I love you, right?"_

"_Yes, and I love you too, un."_

"_How much?"_

_Deidara gave Sasori a quizzical look. "Danna, I love you more than life itself, un. You're the only one I've ever wanted, and the only one I'll ever want, un."_

"_In other words, you'll never leave me."_

"_This is the only thing that I don't want to be brief, un."_

"_Deidara…" the blonde could hear Sasori's heart racing."Yes?"_

"_Will you marry me?"_

_Deidara froze. "What?"_

_The red head gently used a finger to tilt the blonde's head up. "You heard me. I want you so badly it hurts. I want you to be mine, and only mine. So I want to be your danna for real, Deidara. What do you say?"_

_Sasori was gasping for air as Deidara crushed his chest in a hug. "Yes, Sasori danna, yes!"_

"_I'm glad to hear that," Sasori gasped. "Now I may I have my lungs back?"_

"_No," Deidara giggled, releasing his hold on Sasori. "Danna, when can we have the wedding, un?"_

"_How about over summer break?"_

"_But won't you get hot in a tuxedo then, un?"_

"_What do you mean, 'won't I'? you'll be in a monkey suit too."_

"_No I won't! I'm wearing a wedding gown, and that's that, un."_

"………_You're kidding me."_

"_What? Don't you think I'll look hot in a dress, un?"_

_Sasori paused to think about that. The next instant he was out of the bed and running towards the bathroom to stop a nosebleed._

"_And that settled that argument, un,"_ Deidara thought to himself. He heard a door open and looked up; Sasori had just walked out of the bathroom. Deidara crouched down, and before the red head could react he was glomped by the blonde.

"Deidara, get off." The red head managed to sit up, Deidara still clinging to him. The blonde moved around slightly, and was now straddling the red head. "But danna, you look so hot, un." The red head felt his face turn red and mentally cursed himself. He'd walked out of the bathroom with nothing but a towel on, and his hair was messy and damp. "Danna…"

"Yes?"

Deidara captured Sasori's lips in a kiss, legs spreading further apart as he pushed against the puppeteer. Sasori returned the kiss eagerly, biting Deidara's lower lip. This time the blonde didn't protest when Sasori's tongue wrapped around his own, and actually moaned in pleasure.

Their kiss ended all too soon, and they broke away for much-needed air. "Danna," Deidara panted huskily, "don't make me wait anymore, un."

Sasori picked up the blonde and moved him to their bed, kissing him forcefully. Between moving Deidara into his house, getting used to being bi, and preparing for the wedding and honeymoon, they hadn't had a single chance for sex. "Well," Sasori thought as he ran his tongue over Deidara's, "that issue will soon be resolved."

He pulled away and grasped the hem of Deidara's shirt, slowly pulling the clothing upwards and kissing each inch of newly exposed skin. Once it was off he returned his lips to Deidara's mouth, fingers traveling upwards and removing the blonde's hair tie.

The red head pulled away and kissed down to the base of Deidara's throat, biting the tender flesh. Deidara gasped and moaned at the sensation. "Sasori danna…"

The red head hooked his fingers into Deidara's pants, sliding the jeans and boxers off the blonde. Once Deidara was completely naked, he sat up and looked the blonde up and down, making the sculptor blush and squirm. Sasori chuckled. "You're a virgin, aren't you?" Deidara nodded. "Don't worry, I'll soon fix that." Deidara blushed a deeper red as Sasori kissed him again, hands running up and down his sides, memorizing the shape and feel of his body.

Sasori's lips were soon replaced by three fingers. "Suck," the red head commanded, using his other hand to remove his towel. Deidara did as ordered, taking the three fingers in and wrapping his tongue around each one, making sure that no spot went untouched. Sasori felt his body heat up rapidly at the sight; Deidara needed to hurry up.

The blonde finally opened his mouth, and Sasori wasted no time in sliding the hand down to the sculptor's entrance, quickly thrusting one finger into Deidara. Deidara gave a small cry and clenched his teeth. "Danna, it hurts, un."

"I know, but it will get better," Sasori promised, looking into Deidara's eyes. He refused to break eye contact as he inserted the second, then third fingers. Deidara was able to quickly adjust and began squirming, indicating that Sasori could continue. The red head hooked his fingers, looking for that certain spot…Deidara's eyes widened and he cried out, throwing his head back. Sasori raised a brow, moving his fingers over that spot again. Deidara gave another scream, and the red head knew he'd found what he was looking for.

Sasori slid his fingers out, only to replace them with his cock. "You ready?"

Deidara looked uncertain but nodded, and Sasori quickly thrust in. Deidara screamed in pain; he hadn't expected that much of a size difference. "Sasori danna…" he whimpered, tears in his eyes.

The red head leaned in and kissed them away, softly muttering words of comfort to the blonde. Deidara relaxed and wrapped his arms around Sasori's neck, and the puppet master knew he'd been forgiven. He slowly slid out, only to thrust back in.

Deidara cried out again, but this time it was from pleasure. Sasori soon developed a rhythm, slamming hard into the blonde and making Deidara dig his nails into the red head's back. Deidara was panting, trying desperately to catch his breath as a fiery coil tightened in his stomach, pushing him closer and closer to that blissful edge. He was losing, and finally came on their stomachs, screaming his danna's name.

The scream set off the puppeteer, and he climaxed deep within Deidara a moment later, collapsing onto the bed with Deidara still pinned underneath him.

The two artists lay there, both trying desperately to catch their breath. Sasori moved so that his head was directly over Deidara's heart, and listened to the rhythmic thumping. The heart was pumping fast, but gradually slowed down, returning to a normal pulse after a few more minutes. "Sasori?"

"Shh." The red head pressed his ear firmly to the blonde's heart, concentrating only on the sound of the beating muscle. "It's beautiful," he muttered.

"What is?"

"The sound of your heart. I can't get enough of it." Sasori smirked as the heart sped up; this must have been what his own sounded like the night he proposed. Sighing contently, he got off the blonde and lay down on his back, pulling Deidara onto his chest. "I love you, Dei-chan." The blonde stared up at the puppet master, watching him intently. "What?" Sasori asked playfully.

"I love you too, un." The blonde shut his eyes and rested his head against Sasori's chest, body shaking slightly. A moment later, Sasori heard a tiny sob.

"Hmm?" Sasori looked down at the blonde. Instantly his eyes filled with concern. "Deidara, what's wrong? Why are you crying?"

The blonde looked up at the red head, tears running down his face. "I was so scared, un."

"Of what?"

"That you'd reject me, un. That you'd decide you'd made a mistake, or that you'd realize you didn't really want me, or-" Sasori silenced Deidara with a kiss. "How could I ever do that?" Sasori asked as they pulled away. "You're my everything, Deidara. And don't ever forget that."

The blonde sniffed and smiled. "I won't, Sasori danna."

"Good. Now please stop crying. With all the noise we've been making, people walking by are going to think I raped you." Deidara laughed and buried his face in Sasori's chest, blonde hair falling away to reveal both eyes. "Goodnight, Sasori danna."

"Goodnight, my love."


	15. part 13

days pass

"Hidan."

"Mmph."

"HIDAN."

"MMPH."

"Hidan, get up."

"Why?"

"Because we have to pick up Sasori and Deidara at the airport."

"Jashin dammit…."

"Get up."

Hidan tightened his grip around Kakuzu's torso. "No, dammit."

Kakuzu groaned inwardly; damn, he was too tired for this! He looked down at his boyfriend, trying to figure out the best way to get him up. He traced his eyes over Hidan's hair…his face….his shoulders…

Ok, evil plan formed.

CHOMP

"OWW! Kakuzu, what the hell?!" the banker smirked and removed his teeth from Hidan's bleeding shoulder. "Good, you're awake. Now get up."

"Asshole!"

"Admit it, you liked it."

"…"

"Masochist."

"I hate you."

"Damn, they certainly make a cute couple," Hidan stated as he saw Sasori and Deidara climb off the plane. Konan immediately ran over and began attacking the poor artists. "YOU LITTLE BRATS!" she screamed, wacking them with their carry-ons.

"OWW-Konan, stop! Oww! We just-oww!-didn't want to-oww!-cause you trouble, un!" Sasori frantically explained, trying to shield himself and Deidara. Pein eventually walked over and pulled Konan away. "Now now dear, you need to calm down. This stress isn't good for you." Konan growled but dropped her weapon. Pein looked around. "Ok, we're heading back to the base……..as soon as we pry Kisame off of Itachi. Kisame, we're going so plea-PUT ITACHI'S SHIRT BACK ON HIM! There are children here." The shark grumbled but did as told. "And Hidan, quit handing out Jashinist pamphlets."

"The hell I will!"

"2.95 for a muffin?!" Kakuzu's jaw hit the floor.

"Danna, it's gone!"

"What's gone, Deidara?"

"My latest piece of art, un!"

"Dei, where was the last place you saw it?"

"My suitcase, un."

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM

"Mommy, that luggage cart just blew up!"

"And we're leaving now," Pein hissed, dragging his organization out the door. "When Zetsu and Tobi get back, you people are forbidden from picked them up with us! Understand?"

"Yes Sir Leader," the teens answered.

"I wonder how their trip's going…"

Somewhere in the Outback, Australia

"Zetsu, look at this! Can Tobi pet it?"

"That's a platypus, Tobi. It's hind claws are poisonous**. So go right ahead**."

"That's a no, Tobi. **Is not.** Shut up." Zetsu shot Tanya a quick glance. Neither half of the girl had been ok since their accidental kiss on the plane, and both halves of Zetsu felt guilty. "Zetsu, can Tobi play with this?"

"That's a kangaroo, Tobi."

WHACK

"OWW! He hit me!" Tobi balled up his hands and took a boxer's stance. "You're not a good boy!"

WHAM

The schizos watched as Tobi went flying through the air from the animal's kick and landed several feet away, out cold. "**Idiot**."

"**Look who's talking**."

Silence

"Tanya, can we talk?"

"**Aren't we doing that now?** About what?"

"**What the hell do you think?** The kiss."

"……..**We're listening**."

Tobi groaned and sat up. "Zetsu, my chest hurts."

"**Not now Tobi**. Look, I know the kiss was accidental-"

"**Yeah**?"

"But if we hadn't kissed then, I would have kissed you anyway later."

"Zetsu, I think my ribs are broken."

"Go on."

"I really like you. **Even if you hate my rotten guts**."

"**I really should hate you**. But I don't."

"You mean that?"

"cough cough Zetsu, I just coughed up blood."

"I do."

Zetsu leaned in, and they kissed again as Tobi passed out from internal bleeding.

"Ok, so what's the news?" Itachi asked, sitting on Kisame's lap. The artists were side by side on the couch, and Hidan and Kakuzu were left standing.

"Konan and I have decided to move out of here. We've already taken out a loan for a house, and we're moving out next weekend."

The Akatsuki stared at Pein and Konan. "Why?" Hidan asked.

"We're going to need more space-"

"Because I'm pregnant!" Konan screamed happily.

Kisame fainted, Sasori and Deidara stared, Itachi blinked, Hidan's jaw hit the ground, and Kakuzu began muttering about tax deductions.


	16. part 14

--months pass

Kakuzu swore under his breath. He had just discovered he'd miscarried a decimal, meaning his last twenty minutes of work was useless. Soft footsteps behind him only caused him further distraction. "Hidan, go back to bed."

"No."

The banker gritted his teeth; he was in no mood for this. "Hidan, I am pissed as all hell. Go to bed. NOW."

The Jashinist ignored the order and moved closer to his boyfriend. "You wouldn't be fucking mad if you had just fucking gone to bed three hours ago when I told you to, dumbass."

Kakuzu slowly turned around, prepared to knock his boyfriend through the nearest wall. Except that he saw Hidan's face.

The Jashinist looked completely worn out, but his eyes showed no anger or annoyance. Just concern for the man who'd been overworking himself doing their taxes and trying to manage the bills for two people. All anger melted away at the sight.

Kakuzu sighed and slid his chair back, holding his head in his hands. He slowly raised one arm and motioned for the zealot to come closer. "Come here, now."

Hidan raised a brow. "Hmm?"

"Hidan, I don't know whether to hold you or kill you, so get your ass over here for the sooner before I choose the latter." The Jashinist gave him an odd look but obeyed. As soon as he was within reach, Kakuzu grabbed the silver haired teen, pulling him onto his lap and resting his head on top of Hidan's. The zealot wasn't sure what to say or do, so he wisely held still and stayed quiet (small miracles do happen every now and then). Kakuzu wrapped one arm around Hidan's waist to prevent him from falling and grabbed a pencil with his other hand, going back to the bills. Hidan gently nuzzled his face into the banker's neck, earning a quick kiss before the man's attention returned to the paperwork before him.

Hidan rested his head against his boyfriend's chest, lulled by the rhythmic breathing and heartbeat. He was about to drift off, when something disturbed his thoughts. He frowned; was it something he heard? No it was something he _didn't_ hear.

Kakuzu had set aside his paperwork and now had both arms around the Jashinist.

Hidan looked up. "You finish the fucking paperwork?"

"No, but you're too distracting for me to actually concentrate on any of it."

"Oh, I'm so fucking sorry," Hidan replied sarcastically, a grin on his face. Kakuzu rolled his eyes and nuzzled his partner's head, sighing contently. He mumbled something into the zealot's hair. "What the hell did you say?"

Kakuzu pulled away and tilted Hidan's head up to look at him. "I said I like your scent. It's surprisingly sweet," he whispered. Hidan felt his face heat up;_ no, there was no way in hell he was blushing!_

Kakuzu smirked. "Aww, are you embarrassed?"

Hidan glared up at him, face still red. "Shut. Up."

"Fine." Kakuzu pressed his lips to Hidan's, effectively shutting up.

The Jashinist responded gently at first, then more eagerly as he woke up. Kakuzu's hand slid up to his neck, pulling the Jashinist closer to him. Hidan grew impatient and bit Kakuzu's lower lip, begging for entrance. The banker opened his mouth but immediately pushed his tongue against Hidan's, forcing the smaller teen to back down and become submissive.

Hidan's fingers were already unbuttoning Kakuzu's shirt, and it didn't take long for the clothing to be completely removed. When they broke apart to catch their breaths, the banker picked up Hidan and carried him in the direction of their bedroom. Hidan smirked; apparently his partner wasn't completely worn out.

Kakuzu all but through his boyfriend on the bed before stripping down to his pants. Hidan was already down to his boxers and was about to take them off when Kakuzu attacked him with a violent kiss, pinning him underneath.

Hidan's body was heating up at an alarming rate, and he could tell his eyes were becoming glazed over with long-suppressed lust. "Kakuzu, hurry the fuck up." The banker responded by biting down on Hidan's neck, drawing blood and a cry from the Jashinist. "You are in no position to order me around, Hidan."

"Really?" Hidan arched back and ground his hips against Kakuzu's, prompting moans from both of them. "Still wanna make me wait, asshole?" he panted huskily. Kakuzu responded by ripping of the Jashinist's boxers, leaving the two of them completely bare. He spread Hidan's legs apart and thrust into him, making the Jashinist scream and tightly shut his eyes. "HOLY FUCK!"

"Too much?"

Hidan up at his lover, eyes completely glazed over and face flushed a deep red. "You kidding me? This pain is fucking amazing." He started squirming. "So fucking hurry up and move!" Kakuzu obeyed, slowly sliding out and quickly thrusting back in.

Hidan screamed and moaned beneath his lover as Kakuzu thrust in and out of him. He didn't think it was possible for so much pain and pleasure to coexist. His knuckles turned white as he gripped the sheets beneath him, back arching off the bed. A fiery coil was building up within him, and he knew he was about to lose it; finally, Kakuzu hit the spot within him that made him see stars, and Hidan climaxed on their stomachs, screaming the banker's name.

The sight was more than enough to push Kakuzu over the edge, and he came inside the Jashinist.

Hidan's eyes were shut as he lay on the bed, trying to catch his breath. He felt Kakuzu slide out of him, and a moment later a blanket was covering the two of them. Kakuzu seemed to hesitate for a moment, before reaching out and pulling the Jashinist into his arms. Hidan snuggled closer to his lover, smirking. "Hey, 'Kuzu?"

"Yeah?"

"I just realized something. I like your fucking scent too."

"Really." Kakuzu gently rubbed Hidan's back. "Were you thinking about that the whole time?"

"Fuck no."

"I'm curious. What do I smell like to you?"

"Easy," the Jashinist replied, yawning. "You smell like 'Kuzu."

"What kind of crappy answer is that?"

"….."

"Hidan?" the banker looked down and gave the zealot a flat look. "If you weren't so cute when you're asleep, I'd probably kill you."

--

Pein and Konan were standing in the airport terminal, patiently waiting for Zetsu and Tobi. True to his word, Pein had banned the other members from coming to get the two. Konan finally spotted them. "Look, there they are! And they've got a girl with them!"

"You serious?" Pein looked in the direction Konan was pointing. Sure enough, a female was walking alongside the two Akatsuki members. Zetsu's group finally reached Pein and Konan, and for the first time in a long while, they saw a smile on Zetsu's lips. "Hey Zetsu! How was your trip?"

"**I was stuck with Tobi the whole damn time. How do you think it went?"**

"That bad?"

"Not entirely." He turned and pulled the girl forward. "Pein, Konan, I'd like you to meet my fiancée Tanya."


	17. part 15

summer approaches

Konan was not about to let another wedding slip through her fingers, and quickly planned the entire service. There were a few objections here and there (like putting Deidara and Itachi in dresses to compensate for the lack of bridesmaids) but they were quickly extinguished. After all, no one was foolish enough to argue with a pregnant Konan.

Everything was planned out perfectly, and things were going quite well. Until it came time to exchange vows……

Father Patrick was standing above the two schizos. "Do you, Zetsu, take Tayna-"

"**Hey, why are you asking him first?!** Because that's tradition. **IT'S SEXISM!"**

"**Tanya, be quiet!** This is how it's always been!"

"**I don't care!** Sorry, please continue."

"Erm, to be your lawfully wedded wife, together in marriage? To love, comfort, honor, and keep her for better or worse-"

"**Are you implying something's gonna happen to me?!"**

"No he's not. **Now let the man do his job!"**

"**Hmmph."**

"For richer or poorer, in sickness and in health-"

"**I knew it, you do think something's going to happen to me!"**

"**Yeah, I'm gonna strangle you if you don't let the man finish his lines!"**

"**Bring it on!"**

"Settle down."

"Ok."

"……..and forsaking all others, be faithful only to her as long as you both shall live?"

"I do."

"Good." The priest glared down at the two of them. "Before we go on, there will be no more arguments in this ceremony."

"**Or what?"** Tanya asked.

The priest smiled. "Just look out. The higher powers work in mysterious ways."

"**That's a load of bs,"** Zetsu said. **"If one word of that threat is true, may lightning strike Tobi."**

ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP

The Akatsuki stared down at the charred boy, while the priest continued to smile. "Any further objections?" Needless to say, the rest of the ceremony went off without a hitch.

After bandaging up Tobi and sending the newlyweds on their way, Hidan and Kakuzu walked back to their apartment. "What's on the damn agenda tonight, asshole?"

"Paperwork. I have to finish the papers to make sure Konan and Pein can move into their house pretty soon. Along with Deidara and Sasori."

Hidan tripped. "What the hell did you just say?"

"Oh right, you haven't heard." Kakuzu kept walking as he explained it to his boyfriend. "Well, Sasori's the only one with a completely stable income, and there was no way that Pein and Konan could afford a house on their own. So they decided that those two could move in with them, provided they'd pay rent and keep the place clean. It's only fitting, since they're going to be her kid's godparents." Hidan smirked at the memory of that argument….

a few weeks earlier

"_So, who's gonna be the godparents?" Kisame asked. The entire Akatsuki (minus Zetsu and Tobi) was cleaning out the apartment, and all that was left were a few boxes and the couch. Konan and Pein paused. "You know, we haven't really thought about that," Pein admitted._

_Immediately everyone's attention turned to the child's future._

"_Pein, you can't be so careless, un!" What if something happens to you two right after it's born, un?!" Deidara asked, a worried look on his face._

"_The blonde has a point," Itachi added._

"_So who will it be?" Kakuzu asked._

_Konan sat down. "Well, definitely not you and Hidan-"_

"_Why the hell not?!"_

"_THAT is why. I refuse to let my child be raised in an environment were every other word has to be bleeped out by the sensors."_

"_And Itachi and Kisame are out," Pein added._

"_Might I ask why?" Itachi inquired from Kisame's lap._

"_Because that shark can't keep his hands off of you, and you don't exactly try your hardest to push him away. My child would be scarred from an early age."_

"_Good point," Kisame said, nuzzling his lover._

"_You could always leave him with Zetsu and Tobi-" Kakuzu began, having never met the two._

"_NO!" the entire organization shouted._

"_The day I leave my child in their incapable hands is the day hell freezes over!" Konan growled ferociously._

"_That just leaves us," Sasori stated._

_Pein groaned. "Great, we have to trust our child to a convicted arsonist."_

"_Those charges were dropped and you know it, un!"_

"_He's right, remember?" Sasori added._

"_Oh right, the technicality…." Pein muttered. He sighed and hung his head in defeat. "Alright, you two will be the godparents. And this little chat has renewed my will to live a long, LONG time."_

"_Same here," Konan muttered, rubbing her semi-flat belly._

"Anything else?"

"Nope." Kakuzu pulled the mail out of their mailbox and raised a brow. "About time."

"Huh? What the hell is it?" Kakuzu ignored the man and walked inside, tearing open the envelopes. He looked at them and smiled. "Good news."

"What is it?" Hidan demanded, growing angrier by the second.

"You know how I applied to colleges a few months back?"

"Yeah, so what?"

Kakuzu waved two pieces of paper over the Jashinist's head. "These are our acceptance letters. We'll be starting in the fall. I'm majoring in accounting, and you'll be in theology."

Hidan stared at his partner. "You said the words 'our' and 'we', right?"

"Yes."

"As in I actually got accepted to that hell hole?"

"Yup."

"Thank Jashin!" Hidan glomped his partner. "I thought we were gonna be split up, 'Kuzu."

"Obviously not." Kakuzu tried to pull away, But Hidan was tightly clinging to him. "Hidan, off."

"No." The zealot smiled up at his partner. "No Jashin damned work for you. We're having a celebration, asshole." He immediately pressed his lips to Kakuzu's silencing any protests the banker may have had. Kakuzu embraced Hidan tightly, deepening the kiss. Ok, one night off wouldn't hurt him.


	18. epilogue

one year later

"This place doesn't look half bad," Kisame commented, looking at the two story house.

"Yeah," Hidan agreed. He turned around to look at his lover. "Kakuzu, hurry the hell up or we're leaving you!"

"I'm here, I'm here," Kakuzu grumbled. Itachi was walking beside him, eyes as disinterested as always. The four of them stared at the house. "You know, it doesn't seem like this is the new Akatsuki base," Kakuzu muttered thoughtfully.

BOOOOOOOOOOOM

The group watched as a window was blown out of the house, followed by Konan's shouting and Deidara crying out in pain. "Forget what I just said." Hidan smirked and grabbed the banker's hand, pulling him toward the house with Kisame and Itachi behind them.

Sasori and Pein were outside the house, handing a delivery boy enough money to make Kakuzu sick. "What was that for?" he asked as the teen ran off.

"Pizza. Don't give me that look!" Pein ordered, seeing the expression on Kakuzu's face. "It was either this or let Konan cook." The banker's argument died on his lips; even he wasn't cheap enough to risk saving money by eating Konan's food.

As they walked into the house, they saw Zetsu on Tanya on the living room couch, holding hands. Tanya's belly was much bigger than the last time Kakuzu had seen her; she was full term now. In short, the baby could come any day now.

Tobi was sitting on the floor, trying to watch cartoons. Hidan looked around. "Where the hell is blondie?"

"And if you ever-WHACK-set off any explosives inside my house-WHACK-so help me-WHACK-you'll regret it!" WHACK WHACK WHACK

"Oww!" Deidara rubbed his head where Konan had hit him. "Danna, un," he whimpered. Instantly the red head was holding him, rubbing Deidara's head. "Konan, did you have to be so mean?"

"YES! It took me forever to get Rei to sleep, and now-" a baby's scream interrupted the blue haired woman. "Hold on one sec." She dashed up the stairs, and a moment later the crying stopped. When she came back down the stairs, she was holding a baby girl. The child had Pein's hair, and although you couldn't see them at the moment, Konan's eyes. "If any of you dare to wake Rei up again, I will personally strangle you with my bare hands," she whispered. Deidara gulped and ran out of the room, followed closely by the others, save for Zetsu, Tanya, and Tobi.

"Come on everyone, it's time, un!" Deidara called out happily. The Akatsuki scrambled to get up on the roof before Deidara started the show. Once they were all in place, Deidara began lighting his homemade fireworks.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM

The Akatsuki gazed at the fireworks in complete bliss. Even little Rei seemed to be enjoying the show. For once everything was calm and peaceful.

For about three minutes.

Tanya suddenly cried out, her eyes widening. She turned to Zetsu, a slightly fearful look on her face. "Zetsu, we have to go to the hospital. NOW!"

"Can't it wait?"

"**My water just broke, you asshole!"**

"Damn, that's gonna stain the roof," Pein muttered. "Alright, everybody move! Tobi, you go with Zetsu and Tanya. Kisame, you and Itachi go with Deidara and Sasori. AND QUIT MAKING OUT ON MY ROOF! Um, Kakuzu, you and Hidan double up with Sasori, and Konan and I- I SAID QUITE MAKING OUT! Konan, stay here with Rei-TOBI, DON'T JUMP OFF THE ROOF!"

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM

"AND DEIDARA KILL THE FIREWORKS!"

"Un."

Kakuzu shook his head as the group scrambled about, clearly unprepared for this. This was single-handedly the most chaotic, psychotic, morally deprived, disaster-prone organization in existence.

Then again, what can expect from the Akatsuki?

prologue: xotakux2002x./art/AKATSUKI-APARTMENT-prologue-79385866

part 1: xotakux2002x./art/AKATSUKI-APARTMENT-part-1-79387132

part 2: xotakux2002x./art/AKATSUKI-APARTMENT-part-2-79581104

part 3: xotakux2002x./art/AKATSUKI-APARTMENT-part-3-79587037

part 4: xotakux2002x./art/AKATSUKI-APARTMENT-part-4-79677445

part 5: xotakux2002x./art/AKATSUKI-APARTMENT-part-5-79677883

part 6: xotakux2002x./art/AKATSUKI-APARTMENT-part-6-79914235

part 7: xotakux2002x./art/AKATSUKI-APARTMENT-part-7-79919141

part 8: xotakux2002x./art/AKATSUKI-APARTMENT-part-8-80271080

part 9: xotakux2002x./art/AKATSUKI-APARTMENT-part-9-80290429

part 10: xotakux2002x./art/AKATSUKI-APARTMENT-part-10-80457483

part 10b: xotakux2002x./art/AKATSUKI-APARTMENT-part-10b-80558593

part 11: xotakux2002x./art/AKATSUKI-APARTMENT-part-11-80559113

part 12: xotakux2002x./art/AKATSUKI-APARTMENT-part-12-80768691

part 13: xotakux2002x./art/AKATSUKI-APARTMENT-part-13-80838960

part 14: xotakux2002x./art/AKATSUKI-APARTMENT-part-14-81041158

part 15: xotakux2002x./art/AKATSUKI-APARTMENT-part-15-81106011

epilogue: xotakux2002x./art/AKATSUKI-APARTMENT-epilogue-81297202


End file.
